fragile

I am a bit of a wreck this morning.
I need a sign that reads,
“Fragile. Handle with care.”
My head is full of To Do lists.
Leavin’ town this afternoon.
Surgery scheduled for tomorrow.
Not mine.
His.
Doesn’t make the anxiety any less.
Or the worry.
And the fears.
I don’t want to do this.
Anymore.
Can’t we go back to the way it was?
Oblivious to the cancer?
I know the answer.
Part way there.
Mid way through treatment.
Six months down.
Six months to go.
And then a little more.
Emotions swirl.
Feelings whirl.
Just beneath the surface.
Singing hymns at church
will be a balm
and help the tears
leak out.
I am a bit of a wreck this morning.
I need a sign that reads,
“Fragile. Handle with care.”

I wrote this poem on Sunday, November 13, 2011, before church, where I did cry, as I sang out, off key per usual. But that doesn't matter, because I'm singing unto the Lord. I was a bit of a wreck all day. Eventually I got the children and myself packed, the laundry caught up, and most of it folded and put away. We got on the road about an hour later than planned, but it all worked out OK. I was exhausted upon arrival. Wrung out tired from the inside, more than anything physical I'd done. In hindsight, I know I was a wreck on Sunday so I had the strength I needed for Monday. The surgery is behind him, and us, now. So glad for that. Let the healing begin.

© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

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8 thoughts on “fragile

  1. Silver Charmer writes:Hang in there! We've all got your back. 🙂

  2. Originally posted by anonymous:

    Silver Charmer writes:Hang in there! We've all got your back. 🙂

    Thank you, Silver! I know you do. You're all propping me up and encouraging me. I am so thankful for my friends, who know me through and through, and love me anyway. Just The Way I Am. Even on the days that I'm a bit of a wreck. Love, Janean

  3. Kathryn writes:Your tears are the fertilizer necessary for healing to begin. That and sonshine will get you through and make the garden grow.

  4. Originally posted by jbaird:

    The surgery is behind him, and us, now. So glad for that. Let the healing begin.

    Dear Janean,Your poem, your thoughts and feelings, is profoundly movingHere in your wordsis your shield and protection.Here, in your wordsare the roots of strong faith.Here in your wordsis the lamp of bright hope.Here in your wordsis the strength of you.You are a wonderfuland remarkablecourageous and loving wife and mother.Your journey has been, still is, a hard one.Only you and your beloved onesknow what you are all going through;but many others feel for you deeply.In my humble wordspenned from a far distanceI send you all the strength I can placeinto the prayers I say for you and family- Very much love to you and yours,beloved friend, Janean.John…

  5. Originally posted by anonymous:

    Kathryn writes:Your tears are the fertilizer necessary for healing to begin. That and sonshine will get you through and make the garden grow.

    What a beautiful analogy, Kathryn. Thank you for that. So very, very much. Love, Janean

  6. Oh, John. Wow. And Thank you. Now I'm the one with tears in my eyes, and a grin on my face, from reading your wonderful words. A poem letter for me, from you, for the courage and strength I need for today. And many days to come. From across an ocean they touch my heart. What a gift. Thank you. With your permission, Dear Friend, I'd like to repost your comment as a Guest Blogger, here at Turquoise Tangles. They are a gift I needed today and would like to share outside the comments here. I'll link back to your blog as well. Let me know. I'm here all day. Hanging out online, while sitting bedside, by the man I love. ~ JaneanP.S. Are you posting at Tumblr too? We had this conversation once before, but I forgot if it was on your blog, or mine. I started Tumbling. I admit it. It's a bit less formal than My Opera and a good place for quick notes, footnotes and fun notes. I'm turquoisetangle there. Someone stole my name with the 's', so I omitted it. For both Tumblr and Twitter I'm s-less. *sigh* Seemed like the least of things to get tangled up about, so I ditched the 's' and moved forward. You can find links to both in my sidebar here. Just if you want to. No peer pressure form me. Promise.

  7. Originally posted by jbaird:

    With your permission, Dear Friend, I'd like to repost your comment as a Guest Blogger, here at Turquoise Tangles. They are a gift I needed today and would like to share outside the comments here. I'll link back to your blog as well. Let me know. I'm here all day. Hanging out online, while sitting bedside, by the man I love. ~ Janean

    Hi Janean, I just came back online now and saw your message in my SB… and here's what I said in response there:"It's I who thank YOU, Janean. You are a source of courage and inspiration to me and I am sure to many others. I'm happy for you to repost my poem letter in the way and at the place you mention. Thank you, Dear Friend"Originally posted by jbaird:

    Oh, John. Wow. And Thank you. Now I'm the one with tears in my eyes, and a grin on my face, from reading your wonderful words. A poem letter for me, from you, for the courage and strength I need for today. And many days to come. From across an ocean they touch my heart. What a gift. Thank you.

    Oh Janean, I'm humbly glad to know that you are comforted. You are a most remarkable and truly wonderful person… and that is so evident, shines out, in your journal, from the day you first published your thoughts.Originally posted by jbaird:

    P.S. Are you posting at Tumblr too? We had this conversation once before, but I forgot if it was on your blog, or mine. I started Tumbling. I admit it. It's a bit less formal than My Opera and a good place for quick notes, footnotes and fun notes. I'm turquoisetangle there. Someone stole my name with the 's', so I omitted it. For both Tumblr and Twitter I'm s-less. *sigh* Seemed like the least of things to get tangled up about, so I ditched the 's' and moved forward. You can find links to both in my sidebar here. Just if you want to. No peer pressure form me. Promise.

    I did open an account at Tumblr after the last time we discussed your site… I know I've got the ac name/id & psswrd stored somewhere on my HD, but I'll have to look it out, find it and then remember what I actually did in detail, so that I can get back there. In the event that I can't find it in my files I'll start again. I've got my "bear of very little brain" head on today and at this moment I can't recall whether I had posted anything at the time of setting up the Tumblr ac. But I'll get my act together (isn't that what they say in Vaudeville?) and try to find again what I did. I'll get back to you asap on that.Here, from my side of the Atlantic ocean, I send you my continual prayers and hopes – John

  8. John,
    It's Official. I posted, "a note from John..lokutus-prime" as a Guest Blogger Post, this morning. Last night my eyes were dropping and I didn't trust my typing. Better to wait, and weave our words together, after some sleep.
    http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/17/a-guest-post-by-john-lokutus-prime

    Originally posted by lokutus-prime:

    I did open an account at Tumblr after the last time we discussed your site… I know I've got the ac name/id & psswrd stored somewhere on my HD, but I'll have to look it out, find it and then remember what I actually did in detail, so that I can get back there. In the event that I can't find it in my files I'll start again. I've got my "bear of very little brain" head on today and at this moment I can't recall whether I had posted anything at the time of setting up the Tumblr ac. But I'll get my act together (isn't that what they say in Vaudeville?) and try to find again what I did. I'll get back to you asap on that.Here, from my side of the Atlantic ocean, I send you my continual prayers and hopes – John

    First, thank you again for your caring and your prayers. Amazing how small The World can feel when we're all connected by this World Wide Web.

    As far as Tumblr. I'm finding it rather fun. In a note to my sister yesterday, I wrote:
    "Here's a link to Tumblr.
    http://turquoisetangle.tumblr.com/post/12881128875/a-reasonably-good-day
    I'm writing there now too.
    It's less formal than Opera and I'm not feeling like I have to buzz up what I write there at Facebook.
    I just want to write, and I war as to how much to share, and whether to be anonymous, or Just Say It and be me.
    Coming out of hiding.
    Getting braver."
    So, if you do decide to Tumble, just wanted you to know I was there too.

    ~ Janean

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