I’m wound so tight right now, I’m surprised my straighter than straight hair hasn’t started springing and sproinging away from my head in haphazard coils. If only it would… ‘Cause that’d make my body so much easier to live in. ~ Janean
June 28, 2012
Month: June 2012
Outside again. Fourth time since 4:30am. Love the sunshine on my face and birdsong. Crazy woofing dog didn’t need to go, he found a stick and plopped in the shade to chew. “Stress?! What stress?!”, says Blue as he grins at me with his tongue lollying out one side of his mouth, looking crooked and quite hilarious. Sometimes I give in, and lie in the shade next to him in the grass and look up at the sky through a canopy of leaves. A Dog’s Eye View. He’s a smart pup, my Blue.
too damn much
sometimes when the phone rings
the news you hear next
is like a punch to the gut
with a simultaneous slide tackle
so that your legs crumble
and you can’t catch your breath
your vision is blurry
due to tears from the news
not physical pain
sometimes it’s just too damn much
and then a little more
just to see how much it takes
before you double over
crying
in racking sobs
and can’t stop
all because the phone rang
with news you didn’t expect
and you have to make an appointment
the breaks your heart
and depending on the results
it may break even more
no
not this too
it’s just too damn much
June 20, 2012
zig zag
looking back
because that’s what we do
there are times
we could have zagged
instead of zigged
visa versa too
we can’t go back
there are no do overs
I’m just glad
I’ve spent these years
with you
looking forward
we have more questions
than answers
and when we get them
we may wish
we didn’t know
so let’s zig more
and zag less
and remember
to laugh and love and live
for as long as we have left
together
could be you’re stuck with me
for many years yet
so I can baffle and perplex you
with more poems
about zigging and zagging
June 18, 2012
“A Break In The Storm”
headin’ South along I-55
goin’ home
after a fun day
at the Museum of Science & Industry
in Chicago
on June 16, 2012
on weirdness
my second son: “Mom! He called me weird!”
‘He’ being my first born son who is all of three years older.
me: “So what? We’re all weird. Weird is beautiful.”
June 12, 2012
I awoke to a “WOOF” at 4:20 a.m.
just as well since I was dreaming of pot roast
that’s a new one
diet induced dreaming
out we went
the sweet pup and I
in again for his breakfast
and mine
pot roast dreams long gone
filled instead with healthy cereal
sorta sated anyway
another “WOOF”
well, bowls are portable
out we go once more
this is my first birdsong breakfast
eaten in the open air
perched on the edge of the deck
by the stairs
the sky is moonlight blue
with a not quite half
not quite crescent moon
still hanging in the sky
the horizon begins to glow
in warm shades of gold
as the dog and I go in
once more
it’s time for coffee
June 12, 2012
it’s now 5:00 a.m.
again
doc had some news
yesterday
a little good
nothing in the lung
praise be
a lot not easy to hear
metabolic in the liver
again
perhaps surgery
again
maybe more chemo
maybe wait and see
next step
specialist in Chicago
again
not the news we wanted
just seven months
since first liver surgery
when doc thought
they got it all
but thankful
he’s still here
with us
tougher
than he knows
the former Marine
police officer
I married
15 years ago
June 7, 2012
up since 5:00
one cup o’coffee down
a bowl of cereal too
almost 6:30 now
as I laugh and throw the ball for Blue
his appointment is at 8:30
that wonderful husband of mine
for 15 years and counting
20 years together in July
friends before that
today we find out
if the chemo has worked
or if the cancer has spread
yet here I am
playing with the dog
his dog
the one he’s always wanted
trying to keep the worries and fear at bay
until we know what the doctor has to say
other than THAT
it’s a beautiful morning
crisp early a.m. air
birdsong from the treetops
not much traffic noise
less than two hours to go
and then we’ll know
what’s next
June 6, 2012
I feel extra loved having TWO fresh flower bouquets in the kitchen from my wonderful husband. *serene smile and happy sigh PLUS the dishes are done*
~ Janean
Turquoise Tangles 