all dogs go to Heaven

Blue Baird (September 26, 2011-May 1, 2018) Monday night Blue was much weaker, wobbly standing. I called the vet, to schedule a time if he made it through the night. He did. On Tuesday Blue spent the whole morning belly in the grass, listening to the birds, soaking up sunshine, watching the world go by. The vet came to the house around 11:30am. Blue and I sat in the grass in the front yard. The boys were inside, having already said goodbye. By 11:45am Blue’s spirit was gone. Oh. My heart. Big, sweet dog I loved. This picture of Blue and I is from yesterday morning at 8:55am, enjoying backyard sun, a few hours before his death.

May 2, 2018

Day 2: embarking

  
Day 2 of green goo food went some better. I mixed it less soupy and Blue considered eating a little longer before walking away. 

In other news, the boys, their overnight friends and I ate still warm krispy kreme donuts and watched The Goldbergs on TV. Both xboxes are in full swing now. [Written to the sound of trash talk and blaster fire.] Blue is curled up zzzz’ing next to Travis on the love seat dreaming of the canned soft food he hopes will magically appear in his bowl again. Maybe.

Round two of donut eating will begin soon when my friend and two more boys arrive anytime now. Happy Saturday! 

Ocrober 24, 2015

unexpected heart skip

Thankful for neighbors who know Blue and me. That dog got loose from the backyard leash tonight. I didn’t know until the phone rang and I was asked, “Do you have a dog named Blue?” Thankfully, after a joy run described as, “he was running fast,” Blue went to Becca and her friend Steve when they called him. That alone is amazing, wonderful and rare without Blue bait in the form of a treat or pretty girl dog. Becca used Tilly’s leash to walk him the short distance home. Scared me. I didn’t know they had him when I hung up the phone. I shouted to the boys to help me catch him, grabbed his leash and went out the front door and saw them. Situation under control. *Relief* Crazy dog that is crashed out, conked, happily asleep dreaming doggy dreams now. Thankful it all happened before dark and he is OK and home. 

kitchen mouse

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“Hello little mouse.
Welcome home to your house.”
Words I said to my youngest son as we met at the top of the stairs.
He’d just returned home from an overnight with friends.
He was walking up.
I was about to descend after starting a load of laundry.
He was almost to his bedroom with a twin pack of Little Debbie snack cakes in his hand.
He hadn’t gotten there quite fast enough.
He replied with a grin and attempted a Jedi mind trick with the words, “You didn’t see anything.”
Oh, but I did.
The pantry is self serve and holds a plethora of goodies.
If only the food refilled automatically…
Though from his point of view, it does.
Gradually, when favorites are “disappeared” from one too many mouse raids, the children are learning to recycle the empty boxes and tell me if something is nearly or completely gone.
[creak of pantry door]
[tip toe tip toe away]
[crinkle of the wrapper]
[mmmmm so yum]
NOTE TO MOUSE: Throw the “evidence” away.
*squeak*

March 15, 2015
This conversation really occurred at the top of the stairs around 10:30 this morning. Afterwards I checked the pantry and there is at least one unopened box of Little Debbie snack cakes remaining. My oldest son calls this particular flavor, “Heaven Bites.” They must be really, REALLY good!

still usable

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Working at my art table this morning.
Making two pieces of art for the Good Friday art show next Friday.
Grabbed a stack of brushes and saw my maiden name written on one.
It’s a 25 year old brush from my freshman year in college.
Still usable.
Happy and a little weepy all rolled into one.
I’m going to paint a sky now.
A blue one.
I knew the title of the piece before it was begun.
“Rebuild”
I am.
With paper, paint, scissors and glue.
And love, hugs, laughter, ice cream, tears and lots of help from my family and friends.
It all swirls together.
Life and art.

April 10, 2014

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color view

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the sky seems extra blue today
I tip my sunglasses up
so vivid, rich and bright in hue
giving the illusion of warm
despite the chill
of a gusty March wind
cold
cutting through

the sky seems extra blue
perhaps due to the brightness
of the sun
or the contrast
of puffy white clouds
floating merrily above

the sky seems extra blue
as the dog and I meander
along familiar streets
in our neighborhood
he stops to sniff
while I daydream
lollygagging
over thinking
tug his leash and say,
“Let’s go home, Blue.”

the sky seems extra blue
because my heart is so full
blessings abound
the love of family and friends
provision from The Lord
there is art to make
two skies to paint
one a sunset
one in blue
much like today

the sky seems extra blue
because I am thinking
of you and me
what was
what wasn’t
what will never be
these are the things I ponder
as I wander
while walking the dog

Does anyone else look at the sky this way?

March 23, 2014

Where is the bus?

Monday morning after the time change.
My fifth grade boy wanted to stay burrowed in his bed.
Eventually he got up, ate and dressed.
The school bus was 20 minutes late.
An unusual occurrence.
A snowball fight ensued.
Throwing, dodging, trash talk, laughter, and a few hits too.
Where is the bus?
Each creak and squeak carried on the air got our hopes up.
Nope.
Dump truck.
End loader.
It’s also garbage day in our neighborhood.
What time is it?
We speculated on where the bus might be.
Broken down?
Driver overslept?
Or got amnesia?
One boy asked, “What’s that?”
I replied, “When you forget who you are.”
Then we saw the flash of yellow begin as the bus appeared around a corner.
The bus!
There it is!
Finally.
Just in a nick o’time to take the children to school without being late.
All snow play ceased as the line formed once again.
One by one they step aboard.
“Good morning,” says the driver.
*whew*
Made it.

March 10, 2014
Nothing like a little bit of extra excitement on a groggy Monday, the day after the time change.

Cheers

Last day of 2013 today.
It all happened.
You saw me through.
Faith, and the prayers of many.
Thankful for unconditional love of family and friends who know me best, better than I know myself.
Joy, Peace and Love are ahead.
In abundance!
Hope is the Light that doesn’t extinguish even in the darkest Dark.
Here’s to making art and writing for real in 2014.
I’m walking toward it, in cowgirl boots!
Happy New Year!
LOVE,
*sparkly heart kind*
Janean

December 31, 2013

like coke bottles

Teenage boy was up and at ‘em early today. We enjoyed sharing morning quiet time. Visiting. Breakfasting without a rush.
I went in to wake up ATB at 7:09am and said, “Last day of school before Christmas Vacation.” I sort of sing-songed it. I picked up his glasses to clean ‘em, from where they were sitting on the nightstand beside his bed. Sweet boy rolled over, while rubbing his eyes awake, and calmly said, “Mom, there are already coke bottles going off inside me.” Even after drinking my morning coffee I still had to ask, “Coke bottles?” My ten year old boy replied, “Mentos. Diet coke. Get it?!” Oh, yes. I so do. Christmastime is for children and grown ups who don’t really wanna be “adults” at all. Christmas is magic, excitement and lots of happy energy about to combust. It’s a feeling that, if you’re lucky, always stays with you. Joy that bubbles up from deep inside.
My first conversation of the morning was with a teacher on the sidewalk. It was sometime before 6am, maybe before 5am. I’m not sure of the time exactly. “Early” covers it completely. I was walking with my Blue dog. We were sort of lollygagging along. She had Blue’s best buddy, Jake, who was dancing at the end of his leash. We visited like the neighbors and friends we are, as the dogs romped and played. I said, “I’m praying for ALL the teachers today.” We shared a smile under the streetlights glow.
Now I know the fifth grade boy description of what it feels like: Every child has coke bottles inside them, you know, like mentos and diet coke. (I’m being sort of a grown up and resisting adding the “Duh.”)
I treated my younger boy a little bit today, by offering to drive him, instead of waiting in the drizzling rain to ride the bus per usual. He needed a little less rush too. By 8:40am both my sons were delivered safely to school.
Their days will go by fast. Mine will too. For this quiet moment though, while I catch my breath and plan, Blue is curled up next to me, each of us on our favorite halves of the family room love seat. I need to make a mega list and wrap up the remaining Christmas To Do. Best of all, I’ll be smiling about coke bottles while I do. Oh, how I love them, and rejoice in the gift of my two sons. Christmas time is about the birth of God’s Son. Long ago. In a land afar. Angels first foretold, then announced his birth. Shepherds followed a star. Wise men began the journey to meet him. Baby Jesus. Born of a virgin. Joseph the carpenter was there, beside the manger. His mother, Mary, pondered all these things in her heart. I’ve always loved that quiet little verse, nestled in Luke 2. I’m a heart ponderer too. Everything changes in a moment. My phone rang, Blue jumped down and front window wild woofed, only to return again to curl beside me, as I work to wrap this up. My heart squeezes, my eyes leak. Tears of joy and the ring of laughter intertwines with the ache of grief. Life goes on. Christmas is coming, whether I’m “ready” or not. I’ll be ready, well, ready enough. Joy. Peace. Hope. Love. Blessings. Thankfulness. The Gift of God’s Son. Christmastime. Like coke bottles going off inside. That covers all the important stuff.

December 20, 2013
Luke 2:19 “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”