Dear Younger Me

age 21, May 1993

Dear Younger Me,

You are stronger than you know.
Everything is going to be OK even though it is different than we could have ever known or planned.

You have good intuition, listen to it.
Strive for head-heart-gut alignment when making decisions. If one or more is jangling, there is a reason. Pay attention, take time to pause, and figure it out. 

Everything that comes before brings you to where you are now. 
The journey is not easy and the lessons are many. 
Peace is the goal: a peace-full home, a peaceful vibe, and peace in your body more often than fight or flight. 

Speak up. Say exactly what you think. Be bold. It is OK to not be liked by everyone. Not everyone is for you and part of your tribe. Love one another, the greatest commandment, yes. Also, learn about boundaries and practice self care.

It is OK to feel all of your feelings and express them. 
Don’t bite your tongue.
Don’t tamp down.
Trust yourself. 
Stay close to your family of birth, they love you biggest, most, best, forever, and always. 

Spend time with your grandparents.
Take notes.
Ask questions.
Learn about your ancestors.

Grit, steel, grace, and love, that’s what Janean Thompson is made of. 

You can keep your maiden name for always. Ms. keeps people guessing as to whether or not you are single, married, or some variable. 

Love yourself. Love is an inside job. Start there and grow. 
You have a knack for growing peace lilies. 
They talk to you.

You are brave and courageous and strong and fierce and a warrior.

Stay close to God.
God loves you and will never leave you.
Faith grows and yours is tangible, believing in what cannot be seen.
Hope is part of your DNA.
Joy is abundant in you, even on the hardest, darkest days.
Sit in the sunshine.
Walk in the rain. 
Delight in snowball fights at every/any age.

Wear boots for courage.
Keep going fishing.
Keep making art for you, even without a classroom assignment. Do it for you. 
Learn the rules of poetry or just write it.

Say hello to strangers because they may become friends.
Life is a beautiful, complex journey.
Have fun as often as possible, and fun is always possible. 

There is more, I’m trying to avoid spoiler alerts. 

Your friendships with other women will sustain you and give you strength on the days you feel depleted. There is strength in women gathering and sharing their real without masks or facades. 

“Real like The Velveteen Rabbit” is the benchmark for beauty and love.

Here is the checklist that sees you through lots of hard stuff:
1. Take it day by day
2. Show up
3. Do what’s next
4. Find the joy
5. Thank God

You’ve got this.
God’s got you.
Everything is going to be OK. 
It is OK to ask for help.
Rest when you need to. 
Love and trust God and yourself (instincts).

All My Love,
Janean, age 49

December 12, 2020

age 48, August 2020

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Mother’s Day

The birds serenaded Blue and I on our early morning walk. Thankfully the pouring rain from earlier had stopped, though we’d have walked anyway. Enjoying breakfast now and some quiet time before the boys wake up. I love being their mom. My oldest son gave me my Mother’s Day gift early by going to the Good Friday artist reception and service in April. My younger son wrote me a poem that I’m not supposed to know about, but I saw the rough draft on accident while looking for his weekly report. Since he was out sick three days last week his awesome teacher sent it home with Friday’s homework with a post-it, “For Andrew’s Eyes Only :-)” I didn’t peek! Hope everyone I know has a blessed day filled with abundant love that overflows. Hug each other close. I had no idea how much my parents loved me until I became a mom. I get it now. Love that knows no bounds.

May 10, 2015

love seat thoughts

I walked my Blue dog this morning, just like every morning since we got him as a three month old pup. I wore my favorite new zebra rain boots to keep my feet dry, my black winter coat with a turquoise hat and gloves for warmth, and carried a red and white umbrella too. It felt a little bit mixed up. Thankfully the dog did his business quickly and we turned around for home instead of circling the big block like we usually do. Will wake the still zzzz’ing boys soon. I love sleeping during thunderstorms. This morning’s was a doozy and made me want to stay in bed. It is calmer outside now. I hear some birds chirping through the outer walls, over the din of the ticking clock. That signals it is calm inside because in midst of commotion the sound of the clock is drowned out. I will wake the boys soon. Sitting still a moment longer. Tick tock. Tick tock. Chirp. Surprisingly the wind chimes are silent, though not for long. The wind is predicted to pick up speed this afternoon and gust throughout the night. I’ll look forward to hearing their melody later, when the day is wrapping up, and I have another moment to sit still and woolgather, in this, my favorite love seat spot. Rain is pouring again. Thunder resumes. Boys getting out of bed will be the next sound. The day has officially begun here.

February 20, 2014

whackadoodle winter

snow piles on the ground
thunderstorms now
water is pouring down
it is loud
rain pelts the roof
thunder
lightning accents the noise
BOOM
flash of light
mercury reads 36*F
this would be a mega blizzard
if four degrees colder
flood watch in effect
due to snow melt + pouring rain
the ground is saturated
high wind warning is added
35-45mph up to 55-60mph
severe wind gusts tonight
all in one day
what a weird winter
and it’s not over yet
Illinois does crazy weather
really really well
we are sort of known for it
You don’t like the weather?
just wait
rainy days soothe me
watching snow fall charms me
everyday can’t be sunny
appreciate the days that are
make the best of the rest
even the all mixed up,
little bit of everything,
snowy, windy, rainy, cold ones
like today promises to be
here I am
talking about the weather
because it is downright
whackadoodle
like me

February 20, 2014

barefoot in boots
this morning
grabbed ‘em fast
cowgirl kind
my pair for courage
I’ve worn ‘em
for the past two years
dog’s been gnawing
on my snow boots
snow is melting
rain is falling today
leather cowgirl boots
were fine for driving
both my boys to school
my newest pair o’boots
are sporting zebra stripes
they are made of plastic
perfect for puddles
and walking in the rain
it’ll be rain boots
for the rest of today

December 20, 2013

like coke bottles

Teenage boy was up and at ‘em early today. We enjoyed sharing morning quiet time. Visiting. Breakfasting without a rush.
I went in to wake up ATB at 7:09am and said, “Last day of school before Christmas Vacation.” I sort of sing-songed it. I picked up his glasses to clean ‘em, from where they were sitting on the nightstand beside his bed. Sweet boy rolled over, while rubbing his eyes awake, and calmly said, “Mom, there are already coke bottles going off inside me.” Even after drinking my morning coffee I still had to ask, “Coke bottles?” My ten year old boy replied, “Mentos. Diet coke. Get it?!” Oh, yes. I so do. Christmastime is for children and grown ups who don’t really wanna be “adults” at all. Christmas is magic, excitement and lots of happy energy about to combust. It’s a feeling that, if you’re lucky, always stays with you. Joy that bubbles up from deep inside.
My first conversation of the morning was with a teacher on the sidewalk. It was sometime before 6am, maybe before 5am. I’m not sure of the time exactly. “Early” covers it completely. I was walking with my Blue dog. We were sort of lollygagging along. She had Blue’s best buddy, Jake, who was dancing at the end of his leash. We visited like the neighbors and friends we are, as the dogs romped and played. I said, “I’m praying for ALL the teachers today.” We shared a smile under the streetlights glow.
Now I know the fifth grade boy description of what it feels like: Every child has coke bottles inside them, you know, like mentos and diet coke. (I’m being sort of a grown up and resisting adding the “Duh.”)
I treated my younger boy a little bit today, by offering to drive him, instead of waiting in the drizzling rain to ride the bus per usual. He needed a little less rush too. By 8:40am both my sons were delivered safely to school.
Their days will go by fast. Mine will too. For this quiet moment though, while I catch my breath and plan, Blue is curled up next to me, each of us on our favorite halves of the family room love seat. I need to make a mega list and wrap up the remaining Christmas To Do. Best of all, I’ll be smiling about coke bottles while I do. Oh, how I love them, and rejoice in the gift of my two sons. Christmas time is about the birth of God’s Son. Long ago. In a land afar. Angels first foretold, then announced his birth. Shepherds followed a star. Wise men began the journey to meet him. Baby Jesus. Born of a virgin. Joseph the carpenter was there, beside the manger. His mother, Mary, pondered all these things in her heart. I’ve always loved that quiet little verse, nestled in Luke 2. I’m a heart ponderer too. Everything changes in a moment. My phone rang, Blue jumped down and front window wild woofed, only to return again to curl beside me, as I work to wrap this up. My heart squeezes, my eyes leak. Tears of joy and the ring of laughter intertwines with the ache of grief. Life goes on. Christmas is coming, whether I’m “ready” or not. I’ll be ready, well, ready enough. Joy. Peace. Hope. Love. Blessings. Thankfulness. The Gift of God’s Son. Christmastime. Like coke bottles going off inside. That covers all the important stuff.

December 20, 2013
Luke 2:19 “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”

bedtime

sent my boys to bed hours ago
stayed up for quiet time
love seat dozed
lulled by ticking clock
soothed by wind chimes
chiming from back deck
woke up enough
to decide to go to bed
took Blue out fast
wore my fuzzy slippers
the night sky is clear
the moon and stars are bright
saw Orion
smiled
hustled back inside
the wind is blowing
like it’s going to storm
I haven’t checked radar
just an intuition forecast
that, and I saw a sundog in the sky today
driving my oldest boy home from school
a rainbow in a cloud
I love those
I never think they are saying, “rain is coming”
I think they are a gift from God saying, “My promises are real. My covenants, like the rainbow I gave Noah, to say I’ll never destroy the Earth by water, ever again. Trust Me. I got this.”
fanciful perhaps
but it works for me
even if rain follows too
I love rain
it soothes me
as does being cozy, warm inside my home, listening to the blowing, gust of the wind, not worrying over rain, sleet or snow one bit, because there is a new roof now, in gorgeous burnt sienna shingles
win-win
no matter what
happy thoughts
as I finally tuck into bed
a l’il after 1:00am

November 14, 2013