all dogs go to Heaven

Blue Baird (September 26, 2011-May 1, 2018) Monday night Blue was much weaker, wobbly standing. I called the vet, to schedule a time if he made it through the night. He did. On Tuesday Blue spent the whole morning belly in the grass, listening to the birds, soaking up sunshine, watching the world go by. The vet came to the house around 11:30am. Blue and I sat in the grass in the front yard. The boys were inside, having already said goodbye. By 11:45am Blue’s spirit was gone. Oh. My heart. Big, sweet dog I loved. This picture of Blue and I is from yesterday morning at 8:55am, enjoying backyard sun, a few hours before his death.

May 2, 2018

Blue and I

Blue and I sat in the backyard sunshine this morning after both boys left for school. I took some still photos of Blue looking left and then right, assessing, protecting, for this is his turf. The birds serenaded as the cool breeze blew making the wind-chimes chime. I made this video to save and share this moment in time. Blue is slowing down, eating less and sleeping more. We are staying in our own yard instead of walking sidewalk paths we both know by heart. Thankful for each day, especially quiet moments such as this.

April 25, 2018

puppy love

IMG_5749-1.JPG

New girl on the block, Daisy, is crazy for Blue.
ooo la la
woof
*nose touch*
Then me, dragging him away from her fence, after he tugs me to hurry up and get there.
They don’t feel the cold.
Must be LOVE.
That’s amore.
Puppy kind.
woof

February 19, 2015
[Weather Note: at 10:00am the air temperature is 3*F, but “feels like” -15*F in central Illinois.]

I can’t make you

turquoisetangle:

I can’t make you

I wish I could

you’re bigger than me

I can’t stop you

you won’t listen

I won’t beg

do what you have to do

the door closes

I cry then

my eyes are dry now

no longer tired

I wonder

when you will come home

knowing that you will

I won’t call

you know the way

when you’re ready

come home

even though

I can’t make you

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles

That feeling when someone suddenly “Tumblr loves” something you wrote a few years ago. You reread it. Sigh deeply and cuss (just in your head). Somehow you nearly forgot. Does anyone else tag real life personal drama as, “creative writing” and hope the outer facade of reality doesn’t crack? No, me either. After tagging that way a few times my husband “called me on it” so I stopped. Stopped writing quite so honestly. Stopped tagging anything “creative writing.” Started talking about the dog, Blue, then just a puppy. A lot. Time flies. Speed varies. I’ve logged nearly 1,000 posts here at Tumblr since joining in November 2011. Poems. Photographs. Stories. Quotes. Reblogs. All tweeted too, if you’re counting. The best, most interesting, jaw dropping, heart aching, twisting, tugging, wrenching, soaring writing from the past several years has all been done behind the scenes. Just in case you’re wondering, this poem, written on a long ago night, was foreshadowing. I’m glad I was brave enough to write it and say it at the time. I still remember the fight. Faded. Fading. Letting go. We were fire and fire, fire and ice, hot and cold. Yet, we ended “just right.” We came through the fire, all pride set aside, and we loved with our walls down for the very first time.

January 6, 2014

dog talk

My dog isn’t spoiled at all. I just told him, “We aren’t going outside to see your friend Jake right now. I’m making soup.” Jake is the new puppy on the street, part collie and super cute. In lieu of getting his way Blue is wild woofing and pacing between the front window and me in the kitchen, hoping I’ll change my mind. Maybe. After my soup. It’s chicken soup with lime time.

June 2, 2013

shhh q-u-i-e-t

it’s a quiet sunrise today
peach gold at the horizon
fading to pale yellow
then brightens and glows
turning the palest of blue
the sky is lightening
beyond that though
the heaven is still
and dark as night

I’m just in from an early walk
across icy driveways and snow packed sidewalks
in the brisk morning air
with my big sweet dog, Blue
now I sit at the kitchen table
a solid oak circle
gazing out the glass doors
to the backyard beyond
and watch the color show
along the horizon
houses and bare trees abound
yet colors come
and hit their crescendo so bright
then gradually they fade to normal
a blue sky and white cloud scene
I don’t move to take a picture
just watch it all unfold
the clock is ticking
puppy napping
one boy awake playing
the other still sleeping
and here I sit
sunrise daydreaming
it’s a quiet sunrise today

December 23, 2012

cat + dog = lavender

That cat is at it again
I swear she is the one that’s going to push me right over the edge
You know
The edge between sorta sane and completely off your rocker
I’ve been balance beaming along it for months now
She’s still mad about the dog
That sweet pup we brought home eight months ago
My goodness can she hold a grudge
She’s tried everything she can think of to express her displeasure
She’s growled, hissed, and scratched his cold, black, puppy nose with her menacing front claws
She tried a starvation diet too
I thwarted that one by opening a can of soft food that was too tantalizing for her to resist
She’s “gone” on the dirty laundry
…and more recently the bedroom floor
I don’t have time to deal with her antics and clean up her messes
But clean I do
Washing machine set on “sanitize” to neutralize that awful smell
Today I tried a new one
‘Cause I’m barely holding on
I mixed a potion of pleasing scent to spray upon the clean again bedroom carpet
The side of the box said 4 oz. water and 18 drops of lavender oil
I think I counted 21
Hope it deters her
Hope it gets her back in her box for “business”
After the potion mixing was done
I squeezed one more drop onto my index finger
And dabbed a drop of lavender oil behind my ears
It was chemo unhook day
That one’s tougher than tough
When the completed infusion hits hardest
I hugged my husband goodbye
Before carline at school
He said, “Mmmmmm, you smell nice.”
I smiled and replied, “It’s lavender.”
Drat that cat
Do I have to give her the credit?!
~ Janean

August 30, 2012

NOTE TO SELF: When the nine month old puppy is out of sight and quiet for too long DO NOT assume he is napping. Because when you ask your children, “Where’s Blue?” he may come trotting from around the corner, carrying a piece of couch upholstery in his mouth, grinning his wolf-like grin. So, I doused the couch in green apple spray and pushed it up against the bay window, shutting down his favorite hangout/barking spot in the center of the window. This is when I’m thankful the couch is from 1999. I think my usually sweet and charming pup has officially entered The Teenage Years. Lord help me!!!! Now he’s sprawled out ready for a morning nap. Grrrrrr That’s me growlin’, not the dog…maybe I need a morning nap too. ~ Janean