I am sitting on the ledge.
Waiting.
Wishing.
Hoping, for anybody to come save me.
But they didn’t.
They never came.
Instead, they waited for me to jump.

PoorGirlRichWoman.tumblr.com (via poorgirlrichwoman)

That is when you decide you just needed some quiet time and a bird’s eye view to give you a new perspective. Things aren’t as dire and dark as they momentarily appeared. You already have the courage, strength and stamina to save yourself. You are brave and strong. There is a beacon of hope within that nothing can snuff out. It is time to begin again, soaring like an eagle. You discover you prefer this sky high view, closer to the clouds. Birds of a feather flock together. I’ll meet you in the air. *chirp*

Suicide is never the answer. You don’t get to choose your last day. Only God knows when it will be. You have today. Life is a gift. LIVE IT. You are never all alone. The God of the Universe is always as close as a prayer. He is available 24/7. Talk to Him if you can’t bring yourself to phone a friend. Please. I beg you.

January 19, 2014

Advertisements

I can’t make you

turquoisetangle:

I can’t make you

I wish I could

you’re bigger than me

I can’t stop you

you won’t listen

I won’t beg

do what you have to do

the door closes

I cry then

my eyes are dry now

no longer tired

I wonder

when you will come home

knowing that you will

I won’t call

you know the way

when you’re ready

come home

even though

I can’t make you

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles

That feeling when someone suddenly “Tumblr loves” something you wrote a few years ago. You reread it. Sigh deeply and cuss (just in your head). Somehow you nearly forgot. Does anyone else tag real life personal drama as, “creative writing” and hope the outer facade of reality doesn’t crack? No, me either. After tagging that way a few times my husband “called me on it” so I stopped. Stopped writing quite so honestly. Stopped tagging anything “creative writing.” Started talking about the dog, Blue, then just a puppy. A lot. Time flies. Speed varies. I’ve logged nearly 1,000 posts here at Tumblr since joining in November 2011. Poems. Photographs. Stories. Quotes. Reblogs. All tweeted too, if you’re counting. The best, most interesting, jaw dropping, heart aching, twisting, tugging, wrenching, soaring writing from the past several years has all been done behind the scenes. Just in case you’re wondering, this poem, written on a long ago night, was foreshadowing. I’m glad I was brave enough to write it and say it at the time. I still remember the fight. Faded. Fading. Letting go. We were fire and fire, fire and ice, hot and cold. Yet, we ended “just right.” We came through the fire, all pride set aside, and we loved with our walls down for the very first time.

January 6, 2014

therefined:

“Because sending a letter is the next best thing to showing up personally at someone’s door. Ink from your pen touches the stationary, your fingers touch the paper, your saliva seals the envelope, your scent graces the paper. Something tangible from your world travels through machines and hands, and deposits itself in another’s mailbox; their world. Your letter is then carried inside as an invited guest. The paper that was sitting on your desk, now sits on another’s. The recipient handles the paper that you handled. Letters create a connection that modern and impersonal forms of communication will never replace.”

Snail mail still has a special place in our fast moving, e-communique world. This reblogged post explains it beautifully. Best of all, you can see the uniqueness of the sender’s handwriting, and read and reread the contents of the envelope at your leisure. I save letters and cards. I do. I have for many, many years. ~Janean

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…

takingstockofwhatmattersmost:

my body…broke inside
so no one can see
but i know now i will be fine
i’m on my knees…finally me

i look to the Heavens
my arms spread open wide
sometimes Faith takes time
for those who are broke…inside

He see’s what others cannot
He accepts my faults from above
He takes my hand and leads me home
He sacrificed His Son to show His love

He is my refuge and my fortress
He is where my strength comes from
He protects me in the shadow of His wings
He cares for me, loves me
He forgives me again and again
He provides for the sparrows
and also for me and my boys
I am thankful
So very thankful
What a journey it has been
Climbing mountains so steep
Wandering in the vast wilderness
Desert dry as we sought an oasis
Mountains moved by Faith
Paths appearing where there seemed no way
Hope springing eternal
A fount of many blessings
Through it all we pray
Renewal in the final weeks
Walking through the valley
of the shadow of death
God’s promises are real
His covenants
He goes before you
He prepares the way
Fear not
Do not be ashamed
He will never leave you
Pray “Your will, not mine”
Be still
and know that He is God
The God of Moses
The God of Daniel
The God of David
Father of Jesus
He is our Father
in Heaven
He is there
He will heal your heart
Trust Him today

October 27, 2013
two months and a day since my husband died

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…

  1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

    2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

    3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

    4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

    5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

    6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

    7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

    8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

    9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

    10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

    11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

    12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

    14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

    15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

    16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness (via asdfghjkllove)

I just emailed this post to my sister with the subject line, “I loved this and think you will too.” Best of all, I am already doing some of these things, making it feel less daunting to do a few more. ~Janean

Looking For Wisdom: Tutorial: Homonyms, Homophones, Homographs, and Heteronymns (none of which have anything to do with sexual preference)

lookingforwisdom:

a dove is a bird that coos outside the window
dove means you went into the water head first

and speaking of coo, a coup is when
someone takes over a government by force
but a coupe is a car with just two doors
which you could drive to the farmer’s coop
to bring home some feed for the chicks in…

I’m smiling after meandering my way through this playful word repartee, not to be mistaken for playing Scrabble at a party. ~Janean

Looking For Wisdom: Tutorial: Homonyms, Homophones, Homographs, and Heteronymns (none of which have anything to do with sexual preference)