“Time To Say Goodbye” is playing
from the album “Believe”

damn it
NO!
I don’t want it to be time to say goodbye
though after goodbye there is hello
it’s out of my hands
trying to let it all go

1:21am
Pandora
Classical For Studying Radio
January 4, 2014

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…

takingstockofwhatmattersmost:

my body…broke inside
so no one can see
but i know now i will be fine
i’m on my knees…finally me

i look to the Heavens
my arms spread open wide
sometimes Faith takes time
for those who are broke…inside

He see’s what others cannot
He accepts my faults from above
He takes my hand and leads me home
He sacrificed His Son to show His love

He is my refuge and my fortress
He is where my strength comes from
He protects me in the shadow of His wings
He cares for me, loves me
He forgives me again and again
He provides for the sparrows
and also for me and my boys
I am thankful
So very thankful
What a journey it has been
Climbing mountains so steep
Wandering in the vast wilderness
Desert dry as we sought an oasis
Mountains moved by Faith
Paths appearing where there seemed no way
Hope springing eternal
A fount of many blessings
Through it all we pray
Renewal in the final weeks
Walking through the valley
of the shadow of death
God’s promises are real
His covenants
He goes before you
He prepares the way
Fear not
Do not be ashamed
He will never leave you
Pray “Your will, not mine”
Be still
and know that He is God
The God of Moses
The God of Daniel
The God of David
Father of Jesus
He is our Father
in Heaven
He is there
He will heal your heart
Trust Him today

October 27, 2013
two months and a day since my husband died

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…

turn it upside down

One of my closest friends and I have been texting, literally since we both woke up today. This is nothing new between she and I…we both have A LOT to say! Best of all, we just say it. No holds barred. No walls.

So, at 8:40am, when she texted me a sad face 😦
I replied…
No sad faces
I have a f’ing rule!!!!
I cannot bear them
My heart is already breaking a zillion different ways
I’m making an egg and toast and coffee for me
Dog needs to stop woofing!
Or I could just go back to bed. Like all day.

That oh, so smart woman, a beyond marvelous friend, responded, “Do what works for u… :)”

A smile! Much better! That just helps me cope.

I wrote again to say:
Food
Art
I’ll be ok
Have a happy Florida day!

She believed me, for she knows me well enough to read my barometric pressure, even while on a l’il bit early Spring Break getaway, from more than a few states away.

It’s nearly 10:00am now. My breakfast has been consumed. First mug o’coffee is in my weary system too. I planned ahead and made an extra mug today. Knew I needed whatever amount o’kick in the arse it’d give me.
~ Janean

March 22, 2013