sky light

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I love the way the sun can rise and light the sky as both a fireball of gold and serene pastels at the same time. Blue and I took our favorite park walk this morning. Just a heavy frost on the ground. No snow. No ice. No rain puddles. The air was brisk but the wind was still. Heard songbirds sing and geese honk as they flew. No cars. Another woman was walking alone. She smiled as she overheard me say with a tug, “Come on, Blue. Let’s walk.” We did, as the sun rose and painted the sky both behind and before me. Now home. Good morning.

March 30, 2014

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I am sitting on the ledge.
Waiting.
Wishing.
Hoping, for anybody to come save me.
But they didn’t.
They never came.
Instead, they waited for me to jump.

PoorGirlRichWoman.tumblr.com (via poorgirlrichwoman)

That is when you decide you just needed some quiet time and a bird’s eye view to give you a new perspective. Things aren’t as dire and dark as they momentarily appeared. You already have the courage, strength and stamina to save yourself. You are brave and strong. There is a beacon of hope within that nothing can snuff out. It is time to begin again, soaring like an eagle. You discover you prefer this sky high view, closer to the clouds. Birds of a feather flock together. I’ll meet you in the air. *chirp*

Suicide is never the answer. You don’t get to choose your last day. Only God knows when it will be. You have today. Life is a gift. LIVE IT. You are never all alone. The God of the Universe is always as close as a prayer. He is available 24/7. Talk to Him if you can’t bring yourself to phone a friend. Please. I beg you.

January 19, 2014

Life whirl

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.

Some couples twirl for many decades.
They marry in their 20’s.
Their family grows with the arrival of babies.
Those babies grow to school age, then graduate from college.
Suddenly your babies have babies of their own.
Decades have flown.
The couple still holds hands and smiles.
They still stand and sway when music plays.
Inside they feel the same.
Outside their hair is silver.
They move a l’il slow, but get there.

Other couples have the music stop abruptly.
It’s the last thing they expect.
They spent a l’il over two decades together.
That’s all ‘twas meant to be.
She sat in the cemetery between their children,
as his body was laid to rest.
They won’t be dancing at their children’s weddings.
He’ll be watching from Heaven instead.

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.
Life still whirls by at a breakneck pace.
Yet, your pace is set on savor.
Home feels good, like a cozy cocoon.
You venture out when necessary.
You pause and marvel at the sunrise.
You lift your face to feel the noonday sun.
You watch the moon wax then wane, and feel a tug.
Days pass.
Nights too.
Family and friends cross your doorstep.
Giving and receiving hugs for hello and goodbye.
Laughter returns, as joy bubbles from within.
Life whirls on.
Dance.
Set your own pace.

I do.
In the kitchen.
Alone.

December 19, 2013
I wish I could tag this “creative writing,” but it is a true story. Mine. After a two year and three month cancer fight, my husband died in August of this year. He had just turned 43. I was still 41. Now I’m 42. We were together over 21 years, counting from our first date. Together nearly half my life, married for 16. I didn’t want to write this poem, but when the words are there you learn to honor them and let them flow. Even when they make you cry crocodile tears that fall as you do. Perhaps this is why my dog was awake extra early today. Coffee and breakfast are next for me while my boys sleep a l’il longer and I can soak up the quiet of the house before chaos and commotion reign again. Zany. Crazy. Wild. Ornery. Rambunctious. Loud. LIFE! It is for living. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of today.
Love,
Janean

P.S. Nearly included this line, “Not quite four months ago, and it’s still hard to believe.” Adding it here as a footnote for now, to mull over later. It’s time to make that coffee, turn on music with the volume low, sing along and sway.

On Friday at the post office, I thought of my Grandma Thompson as I selected several sheets of “pretty stamps.” I chose Rosa Parks. Along the side reads in great big block letters, “COURAGE.” Quiet, strong, steady, resilient, tough, unwavering, standing tall, because she knew she was right, woman kind o’courage. Best of all, other than that initial confrontation, she didn’t stand alone.
~ Janean

written Saturday, March 16, 2013
posted Monday, March 18, 2013

just show up

The place I am in, is saying aloud, again and again, “I’m showing up.”
Sometimes, that alone is enough.
Just being present, in the moment.

Skimmed a Girl Power article in newest Time magazine today. (The March 18, 2013 issue.) One nugget jumped out, quoted as a sign that hangs in the Facebook offices (article was about Sheryl Sandberg):

“Done Is Better Than Perfect.”

That helps me, as I face so much needing done. Needed it. Gleaned it, in the time I spent waiting. Brief, though it was.

day by day
step by step
quietly abiding
that is all
(yet everything)
we can do

~ Janean

March 12, 2013

TIME magazine article link citing poster quote:
http://ideas.time.com/2013/03/07/why-i-want-women-to-lean-in/

not one bit lonely

I have the house to myself.
My husband is at work for a few hours more.
My boys are at the neighbors playing. My big Blue pup was dropped off earlier this morning, to be boarded for a week or so, at a friendly canine hotel.
This silence is sorta divine.
Oh. I love being home alone.
Well, just me and the cat. =^.^=
Why is it, with a million things to do, all I want to do is nap?!
~ Janean

January 19, 2013

I’m finding my mellow poolside, under palm trees and a light blue sky. Not a cloud in it either. Just right breeze and temp too for shorts and a t-shirt at 8:36am ET. Maybe the coffee has something to do with that. Oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon too. Snuck out while my family was sleeping. Some quiet alone time, just for me.
~ Janean

a mother’s intuition

I saw my mom today
she said, “You look tired.”
I nodded my head for yes and said, “mmm”
‘cause I am
I didn’t trust myself to say more
She tried to draw me out by asking, “Early morning?”
I answered, “Yes” aloud
and resisting adding, “Aren’t they all?!”
She wanted to ask more
but we weren’t alone
my husband’s family was there
standin’ in the driveway
Blue dog on a leash
eating’ grass
oblivious to emotion
happy to be in the front yard
while family visited
all around
I’m weary today
on the inside
and weepy
which shows
on the outside
especially in my tired eyes
mom’s just know
when their babies are hurting
even when their “baby” is forty
with babies of her own
some days are harder than others
this one has had too many tears
I’m hoping that means
I’ve cried tomorrow’s already
‘cause my mom
will be askin’ me how I am again
quite soon
until then
her intuition is workin’ overtime

September 2, 2012

child of whimsy

baby mine

I love you so

my daughter

mine to raise

alone

just you and me

out in the world

we’ll dance in the rain

splash in puddles

and jump in leaf piles

in the fall

we’ll throw snowballs

make snowmen

and swing so high

on the swings

in the park

we’ll pick bouquets

in Grandma’s garden

chase butterflies

by day

and fireflies

by night

laying in a hammock

we’ll watch the clouds 

move across 

the summer sky

we’ll laugh

skip

and fill one another up

with joy

I’m smiling as I write 

this poem for you

my daughter

about to be born

due one month from today

these promises

I make to you

we will go adventuring

I will be there

always

loving you

my firstborn 

child of whimsy,

romance, laughter and love

Ella Bella will you be

now and forevermore

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles

jayarrarr’s story about Ella Bella:

http://jayarrarr.tumblr.com/post/13708111427/ella-bella

jayarrarr’s Ella Bella Poem Challenge:

http://jayarrarr.tumblr.com/post/13709329881/ella-bella-challenge

I walked alone

I walked alone last night

along the festive streets

families migrated downtown

to see the live window vignettes

with a holiday theme

the crescent moon was shining

the streetlights were brighter

a white horse ambled by

pulling a carriage

something special

out of the usual

I wish my family had joined me

at the art walk downtown

where I went to see my friends

for quick conversations

shared smiles and hugs

and to see their art

glad I went

for a bit

as I drove home 

alone

Elvis was crooning

“Blue Christmas”

from the radio

I got misty eyed

a lump in my throat

my head already hurt

maybe it ached

from unshed tears

accumulating

behind my eyes

I didn’t test that theory

and held ‘em back

a little longer

headin’ home

for rest

in the night

December 2, 2011 was F1RST FR1DAY in downtown Bloomington. How I love, and look forward to goin’ downtown on the F1RST FR1DAY of every month. Even if I go alone, I don’t feel lonely. The studios and galleries, and the artists within, are very welcoming and always glad to see you. Even if you’re just admiring, and not buying, their wonderful and varied works of art. ~ Janean

© Turquoise Tangles