I am sitting on the ledge.
Waiting.
Wishing.
Hoping, for anybody to come save me.
But they didn’t.
They never came.
Instead, they waited for me to jump.

PoorGirlRichWoman.tumblr.com (via poorgirlrichwoman)

That is when you decide you just needed some quiet time and a bird’s eye view to give you a new perspective. Things aren’t as dire and dark as they momentarily appeared. You already have the courage, strength and stamina to save yourself. You are brave and strong. There is a beacon of hope within that nothing can snuff out. It is time to begin again, soaring like an eagle. You discover you prefer this sky high view, closer to the clouds. Birds of a feather flock together. I’ll meet you in the air. *chirp*

Suicide is never the answer. You don’t get to choose your last day. Only God knows when it will be. You have today. Life is a gift. LIVE IT. You are never all alone. The God of the Universe is always as close as a prayer. He is available 24/7. Talk to Him if you can’t bring yourself to phone a friend. Please. I beg you.

January 19, 2014

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Minecraft lesson #2

Week two of Xbox 360 Minecraft lessons from my sons. My youngest boy was my teacher today. He made, “Blow Crap Up World” and taught me how to use TNT. It is kinda fun… I’m grinning after playing for around thirty minutes, before saying, “Enough.” Cooking up some bacon for two sleepyheaded boys for breakfast next. My incentive to learn how to move better, with the foreign feeling controller, was that if I could track and catch him, I could have a dog. I caught him. Hearts appear. Now I have a virtual canine companion too. Cool. Minecraft has a dragon in a dark portal lair. My youngest son slayed him. Proud Mama here. Said aloud, “I’m not an Xbox Girl.” My sons think there is hope for me though. Well, of course there is. I’m A Hope Full Woman for sure. A long time ago, I played Frogger on Atari. I even remember when Pong was cool. Yes. I’m that freaking old, typed with a smile and a bubbling laugh, because at 42 I feel like I’m just getting started. I am.

January 19, 2014

1. I can’t get up at the crack of dawn to carpe fucking diem because I’m out five nights a week chasing laughter and the moonlight.

2. I don’t want to wake up feeling comfortable. Fuck comfort. I want to wake up and know I’ve woken up, I want to feel my life as it happens and if that means a throbbing headache, so be it; I’d rather dance in the dark than under a rainbow.

3. Eat whatever you want, idiots.

4. My breakfast happens at 1pm and I’d like to read whilst I eat it, thankyou very much.

5. I don’t need to stretch, nor do I need to reach for the sky; I am not a member of S Club 7 and my head is already in the clouds.

6. Drink all the water your body needs, put a chopped up lemon in your bottle but never neglect iced tea and vodka – whatever your poison, indulge yourself in it sometimes. Striving for perfection in any aspect of your life is just going to disappoint you; have a shot every now and then.

7. If you’re living life, you might not have time to write down your activities until four in the morning. Your life record may be scribbled onto receipts as you ride the train. That’s okay too; it doesn’t have to be beautiful to be valid.

8. Sleep on a pile of towels if you have to. Sleep in the grass. Sleep at a new friends’ place every night. As long as you’re sleeping next to something you love – whether it be a partner or the latest Palahniuk – scented fabric softener won’t mean shit.

9. Chaos can be better sometimes.

10. Run into the ocean instead.

11. You don’t owe strangers your smile. You don’t owe nature your observation. Maybe you don’t have a dog to walk.

12. Don’t make plans you can’t follow through with, it’s unfair.

13.

14. Fuck it. Pick up a book because you liked the cover. Pick up a book because the person before you keft it behind. Scribble all over it if you want. Tear pages out and cut out words if you want. Pick up no books for a month, then ten in a day. Books will always be there.

15. Be yourself without imposing cliche’d values and movie-romance ideas onto your personality. Do what comes naturally. If you don’t want to pay your speeding fines, don’t fucking pay them, it’s your life. If you don’t like old people, don’t go and volunteer at their homes, you’ll only make everyone there miserable. Find your true bliss rather than assuming you’ll know what it is by sticking your tongue out at babies. You’ll get there, there’s no rush.

16. Don’t fucking daydream about it. Do it. Write your own ending.

Fuck Your ‘Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness’, love Daisy Lola (via spearmintblonde)

Thirteen must have been left intentionally blank, either for us to write our own, or as a reminder that what happens next is a mystery, right up until the moment when whatever “it” is occurs. Learn to embrace the moment, even the kitchen sink leaning, woolgathering ones. ~Crazy Daisy Me

January 4, 2014

NaNoWriMo Pep Talk

The beauty of NaNoWriMo is there is no teacher waiting to grade what you write at the end. You can let the words flow as they come to you and write anything you want to. Advice I’ve read says write, write, write and don’t edit as you go. It is about completing a 50,000 word count, not a poised and polished final result when midnight on November 30th rolls around. Just begin. Getting started is often the hardest part, then see it through. (Says the woman who started NaNoWriMo the past two Novembers and this year decided I did not need the added pressure. Though I have the beginnings saved and am determined to begin again and finish soon.)

I initially wrote these words of encouragement to a Facebook friend, then I held up the mirror and realized I needed them too. I should get back to my own NaNoWriMo dreams. It is time to stop dreaming and Do.
~ Janean

November 3, 2013