sustenance

My hair is a rats next of tangles from that wicked wind.
I’m am so wrung out and weary I’m leaning against the wall as I stand and type.
Will take more Tylenol next, find something hot and filling for supper, and look forward to the soothing water of a hot bath later tonight.
Much later.
Sometime after the dog is walked for the last time and both boys are tucked into their beds.
Later.
Hopefully within the next three hours.
Hope.
A sustaining emotion.
The ultimate Soul Food.

April 6, 2013

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There is a storm brewing.
Hopefully not a funnel cloud kind.
Have I mentioned today’s massive high speed winds?!
19mph at the 8:30am soccer game.
Up to 33mph in time for the U10 boys to play at 1:00pm.
Somehow the wind felt even faster than that!

April 6, 2013

a mother’s intuition

I saw my mom today
she said, “You look tired.”
I nodded my head for yes and said, “mmm”
‘cause I am
I didn’t trust myself to say more
She tried to draw me out by asking, “Early morning?”
I answered, “Yes” aloud
and resisting adding, “Aren’t they all?!”
She wanted to ask more
but we weren’t alone
my husband’s family was there
standin’ in the driveway
Blue dog on a leash
eating’ grass
oblivious to emotion
happy to be in the front yard
while family visited
all around
I’m weary today
on the inside
and weepy
which shows
on the outside
especially in my tired eyes
mom’s just know
when their babies are hurting
even when their “baby” is forty
with babies of her own
some days are harder than others
this one has had too many tears
I’m hoping that means
I’ve cried tomorrow’s already
‘cause my mom
will be askin’ me how I am again
quite soon
until then
her intuition is workin’ overtime

September 2, 2012

on the edge

on the edge of emotion
tamping back tears all day
no reason for it
I consider giving in
and letting the tears fall
but I already did my makeup
so I shove ‘em down again
they might be happy tears
for my oldest son’s 12th birthday
or relieved tears
for my father’s safe travel
or exhausted tears
from two weeks
of my own health battle
or apprehensive
it’s a chemo week tears
for my husband
most likely it’s just regular
I’m a girl and cry sometimes tears
even though it makes me mad to feel this way
and I don’t want to be a cliche
there you have it
tamping back tears all day
on the edge of emotion