Happy 100th birthday in Heaven, Grr. I can hear your fiddle music playing at your birthday square dance and see Grandma smiling. Have fun calling, “chase the rabbit, chase the squirrel, chase the girl around the world.” You did. Thinking of you. Wearing my cowgirl boots for the first time this fall. Tell Copper and Santas I said hi too. Scratch their ears in the spots they liked. I am hoping that an unadvertised good thing about Heaven is: No Horseflies. Love you. Thinking of you extra today. Smiling, not crying. Just a little misty around the corners, like you when you’d hear music playing in your mind as you told a story from long ago. Love, Janean
birthday
I’m standing with one foot on the ledge between the kitchen sinks, and one foot on the adjacent kitchen counter, twisting a hook into the window moulding to hang a birthday treasure. My youngest boy just says, “Hi, Mom” as he ducks into the half bath off the kitchen. Blasé. No big deal. Curiosity not piqued at all. Even though, for the record, I am not often found counter climbing. In other news, both of my feet are back on ground now, even if my heart is soaring a bit, as I daydream and smile at the blue crescent moon made of glass now dangling over my head. On sunny days the faceted clear crystals will add colorful rainbows to my kitchen walls. I can hardly wait! Until then, I’ll smile at la lune and dream about the kind of moments that happen just once in a blue moon. Smiling crooked crescents are my favorite moon phase, other than half, three quarter and ginormous full. I sort of love them all!
December 8, 2013
Blue’s birthday cake that the people ate after singing “Happy Birthday” to the dog.
September 26, 2013
Loving my backyard hangout spot, with my jean-clad butt plopped on a corner of the patio, not in a chair. My bare feet are in the grass and my toes are tapping and I am singing along to the Praise songs playing from my ipad mini. I’m posting this via mobile of course! My silver laptop, with letters long ago worn off the keys, awaits. The luxury of a full keyboard is a new one, after writing so much tapping via a tiny touch screen. That Birthday Dog is eating grass. Ugh. Best of all, the oven timer just went off, which means later today there will be a delectable chocolate cake. Maybe it seems silly to you to make all this fuss over a dog’s birthday, thinking, “Two years old, big whoop. He’s a dog.” It’s so much more than that though, as most things in life are. There are many layers and undertones. We bought Blue seven months into my husband’s two years and three month long cancer fight. That dog saved me. Blue got me out of the house and under the sky, at all hours of the day and night, walking, moving, and helped me take off the stress induced, comfort food eating, weight. A month ago my husband’s soul went to Heaven. He is no longer in pain. It was four weeks ago on Monday, but it is a calendar month today. Since I was a young girl being outside made it better. Whatever “it” was in my life, being outdoors soothed me from the inside out. I need the grass between my toes, the sun on my face and the breeze blowing my dark brown hair. Blue knows Outside Makes It Better too. He’s a really smart pup, my Blue. I love him more than I should, but that’s the beauty of love, you don’t divide it, you multiply it. A lesson from my mother. She’s really smart too!
~ Janean
September 26, 2013
9/26/13 at 8:30am
Today is Blue’s Birthday! My big, sweet pup is 2! Later I’ll be baking a chocolate cake for the people & icing it blue, in honor of the dog.
9/26/13 at 10:30am (photo above)
The Birthday Boy. Blue and I are enjoying backyard shade while the chocolate cake for the people bakes. Best part of baking a cake while the boys are at school is I get both beaters, the spatula AND the bowl. Mmmmmm
~ Janean
September 26, 2013
I had fun printing out poems and snippets of thoughts about my Blue dog last night. This morning I put them in a 3-ring binder for my Grandpa with a pic on the cover and the title, “The Blue Collection.” A belated gift for my poet, story telling, fiddlin’ Grandpa.
I’m taking the last last jar of Alien Goo to him too, a.k.a. Green Tomato Pickles. I found ‘em hiding in the back of the pantry. Here I thought I’d delivered that last jar in November, when I made a trip via southbound train, the day before his 97th birthday.
Turns out I have a thing for packin’ pickles on the train. For I’m ridin’ the rails again today, but not alone, for my magical sister is sittin’ alongside me. We are not talkin’ as much as I expected. Just sorta chillin’ and enjoyin’ sittin’ quietly, playin’ on our idevices.
It is a beautiful day. A blue sky one, without any clouds in it. Oh, so lovely.
January 16, 2013
funny story…
My best text of the day was a wrong number.
at 9:42am ? wrote:
Happy birthday gorgeous. Enjoy your day hope all’s well.
at 10:11am I replied:
Sweet message, but you sent it to a wrong number. Hope you resend to right person ASAP.
at 10:40am he (I’m assuming) wrote:
Ha my apologies.
I replied:
No problem 🙂
? wrote:
Btw who did I send this to?
I wrote back with my phone number, ‘cause if it were me, I’d want to know which digit I had wrong
? wrote:
New phone and carrier so flying blind. Sorry again whoever this may be 🙂
The small smile and quick laugh, that I shared with a friend, as I read the initial text aloud, added to the fun of it.
That sweet text though
I knew it wasn’t for me
Even if my birthday had been on January 13th
(And it’s not)
January 13, 2013
I’m cryin’ as I write this
I feel like such a mess
wearin’ my cowgirl boots for courage
first time I’ve worn ‘em here
yet it’s the only fittin’ thing to do
I wanna tromp across the pasture
where the horses used to graze
and stand still in the barnyard
where we curried, combed and praised
those two horses of my childhood
Santas, short and stubborn
Copper, tall and true
how I loved them
and the time we spent
atop their steady backs
followin’ the trail you set
ridin’ double
or walkin’ side by side
trottin’ was for sometimes
gallopin’ hardly never
I’m cryin’ as I write this
nothin’ weak in that
you’ve always led by example
some lessons are harder than others
oh, how we both know
I’m writin’ heart thoughts that seem random
but go together ‘cause they do
got my boots and denim on
just like you
written Thursday, November 8, 2012
as I rode the southbound train from Normal to Alton, Illinois
the first leg of the trip
I have a hanky in my pocket
I’m leakin’ all kinds of tears
my heart, oh how it’s hurtin’
some solace waits for me there
my parents went south yesterday
the highway called their name
my cousin always lives there
next door to Grrr
who got me on this train
for grandpa’s birthday is the reason
number 97 is nearly here
I’m arrivin’ one day early
today’s the day I could come
“Happy last day of 96!”
I brought the last jar of alien goo
they’re really, “Green Tomato Pickles”
but either way, I made ‘em just for you
written Thursday, November 8, 2012
as I rode the southbound train from Normal to Alton, Illinois
the first leg of the trip
I find it fascinating that the sky can be bright blue with puffy clouds behind me, and pale blue with wisps of clouds, including some gray ones ahead. I’m facing East toward the sunrise. My sweet pup was up at 4:30 a.m. I wanted the rest if my family to sleep a little longer. We’ve been enjoying a variety of birdsong in the backyard. It’s 6:00 a.m. now. Blue’s had his breakfast. I’m ready for mine. Coffee is a necessity today. May 25, 2012 is the first day of Summer Vacation, my niece’s second birthday and one year to the day since my husband’s diagnosis. The day life changed. ~ Janean