hurt

January 12, 2014

Heart hurts

Loss is loss.
Grief is grief.
Love is love.
No comparison necessary.
It hurts but love helps.
The more we love, the more it hurts. Time heals.
So does love.

January 12, 2014
The words above were my reply via text to KRB who first wrote, “Parent is not the same as a spouse..but a loss still hurts.” Prayers being said on a constant loop. I carry her heart hurts in my heart, as she did/does mine in hers. That’s what GFF BFFs do. We prop each other up with words via text, email and spoken on the phone. We meet in person too, but that is rarer and “more better” due to the rarity of it, and watch out when we do!

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December 18, 2013

rumpus time

There are more pictures.
My youngest son is a blur.
Just Blue’s tail is in some of them.
There is a picture of my oldest son on the ground.
The pencil his brother threw hit it’s mark.
I’m not posting that one, but if I did the caption would read, “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”
Wildness continued.
Mayhem is another term.
Full Moon Effect.
Walking Blue for the last time now and then I am going to bed.

December 17, 2013

March 22, 2013

right now

I’m not this strong
I’m just a human woman
all kinds o’weak
longing and wanting
for things that cannot be
magic
pixie dust
fairy tales
escape from my reality
but this is my life
it’s happening right now
where I stand
in my cowgirl boots
I wear ‘em for courage
needing every scrap
more than anyone knows
I might still wish upon a star
as artist, poet, daydreamers
are apt to do
my heart still whispers,
“Dreams do come true.”
my head replies,
“The time is now. Get busy!”
my gut jangles and tangles
tossed between head and heart
trying to find alignment
head-heart-gut
I know I have it
when my insides
are all smoothed out
I’m not this strong
just breaking time down
into manageable chunks
living life
one day at a time
that’s all I can do
right now

March 22, 2013

January 22, 2013 Image

my heart hurts
I am breathing
I’m also standing
in a sunbeam
in the hallway of windows
just a few steps past
my husband’s hospital room
it’s quiet here
just the sound
of the heater running
that helps too
and stillness
no one is bustling about
I’ll go back…
in just a bit…
I am breathing

January 22, 2013

November 10, 2012 Image

I have a hanky in my pocket
I’m leakin’ all kinds of tears
my heart, oh how it’s hurtin’
some solace waits for me there
my parents went south yesterday
the highway called their name
my cousin always lives there
next door to Grrr
who got me on this train
for grandpa’s birthday is the reason
number 97 is nearly here
I’m arrivin’ one day early
today’s the day I could come
“Happy last day of 96!”
I brought the last jar of alien goo
they’re really, “Green Tomato Pickles”
but either way, I made ‘em just for you

written Thursday, November 8, 2012
as I rode the southbound train from Normal to Alton, Illinois
the first leg of the trip

November 5, 2012

two words

My husband wrote a poem with, “damn it” in it.
Reading those two little words made me grin.
For in the midst of his poem about hurt, tumult, brokenness and pain it was after I read the, “damn it”, that I knew we’d be OK.
Love is stronger than all the rest.
Love heals, soothes, mends and forms a safe haven.
Love is our shelter in the midst of the most awful of storms.
Besides all that, I love him too…
damn it.

February 15, 2012 Image

my heart socks from yesterday
are on inside out this morning
sometimes life feels like that
when your heart is closer to the surface
and everything hurts a little more
because you’re feeling
turned inside out too
I hate feeling like that
but on the flip side
that’s where the poetry comes from
for we experience the world differently
than those turned right side out
and feel compelled
to put those feelings into words