z time

I can hear the wind now
I’m tucked in
Blue is in his fleece bed
I have soothing instrumentals on Pandora for zzz’ing
Boys in their rooms
Maybe still reading
The phone rang a bit ago
“No school tomorrow”
Fist pump from the youngest
It was his school that was calling
Phone just buzzed “email”
No school for either son
Due to severe windchill
and single digit temps
Begun before ten
Then a l’il doze
Now it’s after
Z time here
‘Night
Zzzzzzzz

January 22, 2014
began at 9:50p
finished by 10:15p
reality

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The Reality

I wrote that, “I’m logging off Facebook and going to my art table” caption an hour ago. I know because Facebook helpfully keeps track of that stuff. I went back to the Facebook post to get the caption quote right. WTH?! I can’t help it. It’s how I’m made. Accuracy matters, even if the task is whimsical like a red dragon post at Tumblr. While there, I admitted it, posting in comments, “I suck at this. I wrote emails and just blogged at Tumblr about this kickass red dragon post instead of losing my damn phone and walking to my art table. Now I need lunch first, then the dog will need to go out again. Just admitting it.” Honest. There it is. I can own that too.

January 16, 2014
12:42pm lunch time

I can’t make you

turquoisetangle:

I can’t make you

I wish I could

you’re bigger than me

I can’t stop you

you won’t listen

I won’t beg

do what you have to do

the door closes

I cry then

my eyes are dry now

no longer tired

I wonder

when you will come home

knowing that you will

I won’t call

you know the way

when you’re ready

come home

even though

I can’t make you

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles

That feeling when someone suddenly “Tumblr loves” something you wrote a few years ago. You reread it. Sigh deeply and cuss (just in your head). Somehow you nearly forgot. Does anyone else tag real life personal drama as, “creative writing” and hope the outer facade of reality doesn’t crack? No, me either. After tagging that way a few times my husband “called me on it” so I stopped. Stopped writing quite so honestly. Stopped tagging anything “creative writing.” Started talking about the dog, Blue, then just a puppy. A lot. Time flies. Speed varies. I’ve logged nearly 1,000 posts here at Tumblr since joining in November 2011. Poems. Photographs. Stories. Quotes. Reblogs. All tweeted too, if you’re counting. The best, most interesting, jaw dropping, heart aching, twisting, tugging, wrenching, soaring writing from the past several years has all been done behind the scenes. Just in case you’re wondering, this poem, written on a long ago night, was foreshadowing. I’m glad I was brave enough to write it and say it at the time. I still remember the fight. Faded. Fading. Letting go. We were fire and fire, fire and ice, hot and cold. Yet, we ended “just right.” We came through the fire, all pride set aside, and we loved with our walls down for the very first time.

January 6, 2014

right now

I’m not this strong
I’m just a human woman
all kinds o’weak
longing and wanting
for things that cannot be
magic
pixie dust
fairy tales
escape from my reality
but this is my life
it’s happening right now
where I stand
in my cowgirl boots
I wear ‘em for courage
needing every scrap
more than anyone knows
I might still wish upon a star
as artist, poet, daydreamers
are apt to do
my heart still whispers,
“Dreams do come true.”
my head replies,
“The time is now. Get busy!”
my gut jangles and tangles
tossed between head and heart
trying to find alignment
head-heart-gut
I know I have it
when my insides
are all smoothed out
I’m not this strong
just breaking time down
into manageable chunks
living life
one day at a time
that’s all I can do
right now

March 22, 2013

window view

playing in the snow
children laughing
snowballs flying
smiles shining too
looks normal
from the outside
only the inside knows
the truth
for reality
is anything but normal
life is never boring
if it is
it’s your own damn fault
we have your drama
real life kind
eyebrow raising
jaw dropping
gray hair causing too
but from the outside
if you are looking
from your window view
the drama doesn’t show
it’s skillfully hidden
behind brave faces
and eyes filled with secrets
heart kind
that never tell

February 23, 2013

last day of vacation

Stupid leaf blower poolside is ruining my serenity. Grrrrr
Time for more coffee and oatmeal anyway – food service started at 7:00. Saturday morning I’ll be food service again. Laundress and dog walker and cat care lady too. The break’s been nice though. Palm trees and sunshine worked their magic. Nice to have a week without too many tears. ~ Janean

October 25, 2012

I sat down poolside with coffee only, just as a hint of drizzle turned to gentle rain at 6:20a.m. Thankful for that big red umbrella and time spent sitting in the dark outside. (It was quiet until that lady sat down with her cell phone…that she’s actually talking on and not typing on like me.)
Since then I’ve moved tables. Tweeted. E-mailed. Facebooked. Have refilled my mug o’ coffee too.
Nearly moved again after loud talking cell phone user number two. Instead I couldn’t help but overhear as she said, “You can’t run away from yourself because you can’t get away from your own ass.” Well, tis true.
The sky has brightened. I should go and check on my family, and find out if they are waking up anytime soon. No hurry. That’s the beauty of vacation. The gray clouds are moving. Blue sky is tryin’ to peek through. Not sure where the day is going to take us. The To Do List just reads, “Have Fun.” Gotta love Vacation Days. Reality can wait a few days more. It’s 8:09a.m. now. Livin’ on Eastern time rather agrees with me.
~ Janean

October 24, 2012