z time

I can hear the wind now
I’m tucked in
Blue is in his fleece bed
I have soothing instrumentals on Pandora for zzz’ing
Boys in their rooms
Maybe still reading
The phone rang a bit ago
“No school tomorrow”
Fist pump from the youngest
It was his school that was calling
Phone just buzzed “email”
No school for either son
Due to severe windchill
and single digit temps
Begun before ten
Then a l’il doze
Now it’s after
Z time here
‘Night
Zzzzzzzz

January 22, 2014
began at 9:50p
finished by 10:15p
reality

The Reality

I wrote that, “I’m logging off Facebook and going to my art table” caption an hour ago. I know because Facebook helpfully keeps track of that stuff. I went back to the Facebook post to get the caption quote right. WTH?! I can’t help it. It’s how I’m made. Accuracy matters, even if the task is whimsical like a red dragon post at Tumblr. While there, I admitted it, posting in comments, “I suck at this. I wrote emails and just blogged at Tumblr about this kickass red dragon post instead of losing my damn phone and walking to my art table. Now I need lunch first, then the dog will need to go out again. Just admitting it.” Honest. There it is. I can own that too.

January 16, 2014
12:42pm lunch time

I’m sitting on the living room love seat, dressed half in pajamas, and half in clothes (jeans pulled on top of the long underwear pants I slept in).
Blue dog is wedged against my hip on the left, in his favorite living room love seat spot.
I’ve been playing on my phone.
Writing.
Tweeting.
Just picked A RAINBOW RIBBON up off the ground!
I kid you not!
I even thought of, “Over the Rainbow,” and sung a few bars, as Blue and I stepped on the sidewalk beside Luna’s fence.
Right after that musical moment we turned a corner and spied this bit o’color.
I took a picture.
I picked up the piece of rainbow ribbon.
A rainbow, in an unlikely place.
Found it looking down, not up.
Evidently today is A Writing Day.

January 1, 2014
(Excerpt from a New Year’s afternoon email reply to my sister. She knows the significance of my mentioning, “Over the Rainbow” too.)

my heart longs to make art
it’s the soul balm
I am needing
layered alongside that though
is family business paperwork
waiting for me To Do
trying to balance my time
weighing heart cry vs. duty

I called the 1-800 number
the one atop this bill
seemed wise to double check
‘cause I thought I’d maybe paid it
handwritten check register read:
#9988 2/27/13 $389.90
the total due matched right up
answered the automated questions
by typing on the phone
was given a second number
for “facilities business office”
a person answered right away
gave ‘em the account number
they replied with a human voice:
“Zero Balance”
“Paid In Full”

what beautiful words those are
just like Jesus on the cross
who forgives us
over and over
BIG TIME
sinners saved by grace
a gift freely given
all we are To Do is ask

“Amazing Grace”
was played across radio waves
this very morning too
I sang along and cried
I almost always do

March 13, 2013

chit chat

I’ve been a bit o’a chatterbox today.
Me?!
Well, yes…
My friends and family keep callin’, to check in and see how I am.
It’s still a loaded question, as tears are as likely to be the answer as a bit o’sass, but the easiest answer is, “I’m still alive and kickin’.”
So watch out world!
Fair warnin’.

February 28, 2013

this is why I can’t unplug
walkin’ back into the kitchen
from boy wakin’
laundry foldin’
and dog wranglin’
I took one look out the deck doors and said with awe and wonder, “Look at the sky!”
then I grabbed my camera with phone and internet functions too
took a pic…well, actually two
and had to share with you

December 6, 2012

slow dancin’

We were canoodling when the phone rang, cutting off the music we were dancin’ to.
It was my mother saying, “I’m on my way.”
He said, “I don’t want to see your tears.”
I replied, “Then don’t look.”
There’s no time to kiss them away.
Gotta get my composure, blow my nose and grab my sunglasses to walk the dog.
Our sweet pup, Blue.
Met mom on the sidewalk.
Chit chatted and smiled sorta bright.
Held his hand when I came back in.
Assured him it was the tenderness that did me in.
I’m a girl.
It’s how I’m packaged.
Sometimes they are happy tears.

November 1, 2012

I sat down poolside with coffee only, just as a hint of drizzle turned to gentle rain at 6:20a.m. Thankful for that big red umbrella and time spent sitting in the dark outside. (It was quiet until that lady sat down with her cell phone…that she’s actually talking on and not typing on like me.)
Since then I’ve moved tables. Tweeted. E-mailed. Facebooked. Have refilled my mug o’ coffee too.
Nearly moved again after loud talking cell phone user number two. Instead I couldn’t help but overhear as she said, “You can’t run away from yourself because you can’t get away from your own ass.” Well, tis true.
The sky has brightened. I should go and check on my family, and find out if they are waking up anytime soon. No hurry. That’s the beauty of vacation. The gray clouds are moving. Blue sky is tryin’ to peek through. Not sure where the day is going to take us. The To Do List just reads, “Have Fun.” Gotta love Vacation Days. Reality can wait a few days more. It’s 8:09a.m. now. Livin’ on Eastern time rather agrees with me.
~ Janean

October 24, 2012

my turn
to break glass
I was on the phone
about the broken car
getting breakfast for my boys
reached in the cabinet
heard a crash
saw the broken shards of glass
thought the glass glass had broken
but no
it was the nice glass bowl
that was a wedding gift
15 years ago
it took me nearly that long
to figure out what to do with it
bought the coffee pot in January
put the bowl to work
holding half and half
now I’m looking for a plastic one
I can’t be trusted with glass
too delicate
and I’m feeling like that bull
the one in the china shop

August 3, 2012
9:00-ish a.m.

I first e-mailed this poem to my friend. The one who sent me a note about a glass that broke at her house while the dishwasher was being unloaded last night. She’s sharing it with her fourth grade daughter (the dishwasher unloader/glass put-er away-er too).