sittin’ by a window

sittin' by a window
at a cafe table
watching the construction
going on
down below

sittin' by a window
on the fourth floor
cars and trucks
move past
down to one lane

sittin' by a window
with an empty coffee cup
need another refill
to pass the time
waitin' at the hospital

sittin' by a window
my phone almost out of juice
when it buzzes
my sister is callin'
from Arizona
checkin' in
with a sister's love
and an RN's knowledge
good to hear her voice

sittin' by a window
my phone goes dead
before the conversation ends
she received my ESP
from earlier today
I was thinkin' of her
sitting by a window
with a cup of coffee
uncharacteristic for me
lookin' down at the workers
pourin' concrete
surveyin' the land
lookin' at plans
the worker bees
in hard hats
fluorescent vests
and boots with steel toes

then there is me
chin in hand
sittin' by a window
gazin' out
beyond the construction
to the Windy City
downtown Chicago

as I daydream
about goin' home
where they are harvestin' corn
and fields of soybeans
where my children wait
for their parents to return
from the hospital
after surgery
a week ago now
soon we hope
these are my thoughts
as I am sittin' by a window
on a Wednesday mornin'
October 5, 2011

Three weeks have passed since I wrote this poem longhand in my journal. The same journal I wrote "Fighting to Float" in, for the photograph that accompanies my words. The same journal I bought with Christmas money at the beginning of this year, with the crescent moon and stars on the cover, and the words, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars." There are more poems there to share. I've been dragging my feet in typing them, because the emotion is still so close to the surface and the memories fresh in my mind. It hurts to reread them, type and tweak them before I click the "Publish" button. My eyes fill with fresh tears, my heart squeezes and my chest aches. Even though we're home now. All of us. Together again under one roof. Ours. I left ahead of my husband on October 11, 2011, after two weeks by his side. He was released over a week later, on October 20, 2011, but he didn't tell us he was comin' home. He showed up at the backdoor instead. I was in the adjacent room, with no line of sight (if only I had Superman's x-ray vision at times), and called out to my children, "Is it one of your friends?" My youngest son replied, "No. I think it's Dad." And it was. For sure. You see, it was his grizzly three week growth of beard caused the smidgeon of doubt. He's been home a week now and it still feels like The House Itself has breathed a sigh of relief.

Fighting to Float
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/10/09/fighting-to-float

a new sketchbook
http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/10/21/a-new-sketchbook

Β© 2011 Janean Baird, Turquoise Tangles

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37 thoughts on “sittin’ by a window

  1. He's been home a week now and it still feels like The House Itself has breathed a sigh of relief.

    It's not just the house that's sighed. Me too… I'm so so glad for you!

  2. Originally posted by bentrein:

    It's not just the house that's sighed. Me too… I'm so so glad for you!

    Thank you, Ben. We're gearing up for the second surgery now, scheduled for next Monday, sometime in the early morning. Most likely I'll be back in this same spot, sittin' by a window, watching the world go by and dreamin' of home. ~ Janean

  3. Originally posted by jbaird:

    We're gearing up for the second surgery now,

    Oh darn. Is there an end in sight?

  4. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Oh darn. Is there an end in sight?

    It's a long road. I'm not a runner, but I know the meaning of the analogy, "it's a marathon not a sprint." It's all in the pacing. Something I've never been good at. The plan is that after this surgery he'll move on to more chemotherapy that will be given two times a week, every other week for six months. Then one more surgery to undo something they did to help him heal after the first surgery in September. THEN he'll be done with treatment and we'll wait to see how it all went long term. THE HOPE is that five years from summer of 2012 there will be no sign of cancer in his body and he can be dubbed, "Cancer Free" and "cured". So, we shall see. One step at a time. To answer your question, there is an end in sight, and we're glad to be talkin' surgeries and treatments and not caskets and cemeteries. That day will come too. For all of us. But we're hoping it's decades down that long and winding road, many many years from now. ~ Janean

  5. Originally posted by jbaird:

    THE HOPE is that five years from summer of 2012

    Hope is a powerful thing that can keep you going; a long time. But five flooding years! Do I not wish to be in your shoes! :'(Originally posted by jbaird:

    But we're hoping it's decades down that long and winding road, many many years from now

    For all of us.

  6. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Hope is a powerful thing that can keep you going; a long time. But five flooding years! Do I not wish to be in your shoes!

    There are times I've been ready to step out of these shoes, to run barefoot for awhile, but I'm standin' firm and walkin' alongside for now and always. It's the next flooding six months that will be tough to endure. But endure, we shall.

    Originally posted by jbaird:

    But we're hoping it's decades down that long and winding road, many many years from now

    Originally posted by bentrein:

    For all of us.

    Here's to many, many years ahead. For all of us. ~ Janean

  7. Originally posted by jbaird:

    But endure, we shall.

    Know that my thoughts are with you; by your side. And I shall rejoice with you when they're over.Endure you will; for yourself. For your husband. And your boys. Everything for those boys, am I wrong?Originally posted by jbaird:

    Here's to many, many years ahead. For all of us.

    :cheers:

  8. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Endure you will; for yourself. For your husband. And your boys. Everything for those boys, am I wrong?

    You're exactly right, Ben. They are pretty great, and the Loves of My Life. 'Tis true. ~ Janean

  9. Meet my Kevin. πŸ™‚

  10. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Meet my Kevin. πŸ™‚

    I know you know The Great Bigness of That Kind of Love. πŸ™‚

  11. Guess what, Ben?! He's going HOME from the hospital today! WOO HOO!!!!TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!http://my.opera.com/jbaird/blog/2011/11/18/today-is-filled-with-praises~ Janean

  12. This is wonderful news! Janean! :yes: Praise Be! :happy:

  13. Originally posted by lokutus-prime:

    This is wonderful news! Janean! :yes: Praise Be! :happy:

    Thank you, John! It feels so very good to be HOME TONIGHT! πŸ™‚

  14. Originally posted by jbaird:

    TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!

    Woohooo! That's very pleasant! I couldn't put it better than John.Sleep well, in your own bed; no better place than that! Looking forward to more good news along the way.Just one quick question; this was sooner than expected, wasn't it? If so, double :cheers:!

  15. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    at your place

    No more good news expected from me. Things are as well as they can get! πŸ˜€ The best news in the world can at the moment only come from Janean!

  16. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    Hello everybody….good 2 see you all here, it looks like we have a very blessings news and very pleasant day… :cheers: have a happy weekend 2 all of us, and thanks 4 letting me knw this beautiful blog. :heart: πŸ˜€ :coffee: of course alwys!!!

    Great to have you visit Turquoise Tangles, greatZenaida. WELCOME! Thanks for stoppin' by. Feels like John's place, or Ben's, with conversations overlapping. I'm smiling at that! :)Hope YOU have a Happy Weekend too!~ Janean

  17. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    Yes Ben, me too look forward for more good news espc. at your place…at this time I have no question abt it… πŸ˜† :yes: πŸ˜€

    greatZenaida, Did you see Ben's post, "RT #32: Homely affairs", from November 16, 2011? He has some WONDERFULLY HAPPY news shared there! πŸ™‚http://my.opera.com/bentrein/blog/2011/11/16/rt-32-homely-affairs~ Janean

  18. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Woohooo! That's very pleasant! I couldn't put it better than John.Sleep well, in your own bed; no better place than that! Looking forward to more good news along the way.Just one quick question; this was sooner than expected, wasn't it? If so, double :cheers:!

    "Woohooo!" indeed, Ben! πŸ™‚
    My husband's surgery was on Monday and they told us beforehand to expect a 4-5 day hospital stay. Gettin' out on Friday afternoon = a 4 day, 4 night stay, with departure on day 5. Guess you'd say it was textbook, and Right On Schedule. Feels like The Spot for one more, "Woohooo!" πŸ™‚
    ~ Janean

  19. Originally posted by bentrein:

    No more good news expected from me. Things are as well as they can get! πŸ˜€ The best news in the world can at the moment only come from Janean!

    Thank you, Ben. For sharing in my Best News In The World moment. We are so relieved at the news from the pathology report and all the rest. Now, for him to heal. All the way. Completely. For THAT is what we're hopin' and prayin' for most of all. ~ Janean

  20. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    you sounds not optimism at all Ben

    Well, when you're on top, the only way you can eventually go is down. But I'm planning to be on top for a while coming. Don't worry about me.

  21. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Well, when you're on top, the only way you can eventually go is down. But I'm planning to be on top for a while coming. Don't worry about me.

    Somewhere in the middle sounds good to me, without riding the highs and lows of this emotional roller coaster between overflowing joy and the trials of life. Some Time To Just Be, sounds good to me. May you enjoy the same middle ground, Ben. When things are Just Right. ~ Janean

  22. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    Hello Tangles yes thank you 4 great comment, oh but don't tell me abt emotional roller coster coz I'm trying to stay in balance but sometimes it's hard…but anyway good to hear that…frm you, have good sunday evening and see you nxt time again…. πŸ˜€

    Staying in balance is my goal too. Sometimes Life just has other plans. This passage of text from the book, "Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas", by James Patterson says it best:β€œImagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls – family, health, friends, integrity – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.”Perhaps his words will resonate with you as well. ~ Janean

  23. Originally posted by jbaird:

    Some Time To Just Be, sounds good to me.

    Oh, how one can long for those; but in Thailand these times are culturally enforced, and that does become very boring after a while… It's often good to feel…Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    Oh I hope you're talking something else coz I never met a guy like you so brave

    I'm talking many places; and brave I've been called before as well… πŸ™‚ But it always happens at the most unexpected of times…Originally posted by jbaird:

    Sometimes Life just has other plans.

    Such is life, my dear Janean. Strength is what we need, and strength is what I wish you.Originally posted by jbaird:

    The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity.

    Sweet. I feel the friends ball tends to bounce too. Not as good, but it does. Let's call it a basketball lacking air. I mean, sure, you drop a friend, it hurts for a while. But there are 7 billion of us out there… If a friend can't bear with your downs sometimes, he's not enough of a friend to worry too much about. Family, health and integrity are most certainly made of glass!Nice story.

  24. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Originally posted by jbaird:

    Sometimes Life just has other plans.

    Such is life, my dear Janean. Strength is what we need, and strength is what I wish you.

    Thank you, Ben. So far so good. I'll/we'll make it, as we're made from Tough Stuff. Thompson Grit is what we call it. The strong will and determination to keep on keeping on, even in the face of difficulties. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Originally posted by jbaird:

    The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity.

    Sweet. I feel the friends ball tends to bounce too. Not as good, but it does. Let's call it a basketball lacking air. I mean, sure, you drop a friend, it hurts for a while. But there are 7 billion of us out there… If a friend can't bear with your downs sometimes, he's not enough of a friend to worry too much about. Family, health and integrity are most certainly made of glass!
    Nice story.

    Good point, about the friends ball bouncing too. Though, I will say, just as some fall by the wayside, others, people who you may not have ever expected, appear to walk alongside and help carry your burdens. Something for which I am so thankful. ~ Janean

  25. Originally posted by jbaird:

    Thompson Grit is what we call it.

    Similar to True Grit? I only now find out the oscar winning new one is a remake of a 1969 movie! Anotherone I've got to see.Anyway, back on topic. :DOriginally posted by jbaird:

    Though, I will say, just as some fall by the wayside, others, people who you may not have ever expected, appear to walk alongside and help carry your burdens. Something for which I am so thankful.

    So perhaps friendship is an egg-shaped rubber ball. It bounces whichever way it pleases – so if you really want to hang on to it, you'd better juggle it…

  26. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Similar to True Grit? I only now find out the oscar winning new one is a remake of a 1969 movie! Anotherone I've got to see.

    Yes, Ben. Similar to that. I've seen most of the remake, my husband has watched it several times but haven't seen it all the way through yet… John Wayne was in the original. I'm sure some would say it never should have been redone.Originally posted by bentrein:

    Anyway, back on topic. πŸ˜€ So perhaps friendship is an egg-shaped rubber ball. It bounces whichever way it pleases – so if you really want to hang on to it, you'd better juggle it…

    I think the key is to cherish what you have and be thankful along the way, because you never know when life is going to speed up or slow down or take an unexpected turn and next thing you know all the balls you were juggling start to hit you on the head because you can't keep 'em in the air any longer. Then your friends stop by, one by one, to help you pick 'em up and start jugglin' once again. ~ Janean

  27. And that would make the friends ball an egg shaped sticky rubber ball; because when the balls fall on your head, that one sticks…Darn, tricky one that friendship ball! If life were just as simple as its analogies… :p

  28. Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    I don't know what to say…I'm so happy to read all your comments here…have a nice day to all… πŸ™‚ I have to close my site now, responsibilities calling…so see you all nxt time… πŸ™‚ :bye:

    Thanks for stopping by and sayin', "Hi", great Zenaida! Glad you enjoyed the comments/conversation too. Bye, until next time… ~ Janean

  29. Originally posted by bentrein:

    And that would make the friends ball an egg shaped sticky rubber ball; because when the balls fall on your head, that one sticks…Darn, tricky one that friendship ball! If life were just as simple as its analogies… :p

    Ben,
    Let's just keep living, laughing, loving AND WRITING and it'll all work out as it's meant to. The World needs us to puzzle through and solve these challenging analogies. I'm sure of it. πŸ™‚
    ~ Janean

  30. Originally posted by jbaird:

    The World needs us to puzzle through and solve these challenging analogies.

    But of course; what else is life for? πŸ™‚

  31. Hello everybody….good 2 see you all here, it looks like we have a very blessings news and very pleasant day… :cheers: have a happy weekend 2 all of us, and thanks 4 letting me knw this beautiful blog. :heart: πŸ˜€ :coffee: of course alwys!!!

  32. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Originally posted by jbaird:

    TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!

    Woohooo! That's very pleasant! I couldn't put it better than John.Sleep well, in your own bed; no better place than that! Looking forward to more good news along the way.Just one quick question; this was sooner than expected, wasn't it? If so, double :cheers:!

    Yes Ben, me too look forward for more good news espc. at your place…at this time I have no question abt it… πŸ˜† :yes: πŸ˜€

  33. Ohhhh…you sounds not optimism at all Ben, :awww: Yeah with Janean very good news…will here as you knw getting colder and colder but sometimes we have a very good weather…and it's fascinating me the sky at this moment as you know they said if you want to see a good Landschape painting with a beautiful sky with dark, blue and all kinds of colors…and still as I knw I always to see here in Holland…How r you at this time? how's your son doing? πŸ™‚

  34. I'm confused 2 blogs at the same time…yeah I saw Ben setting and relaxing with a beautiful nature view…okay at least that's other nice place….Hello Tangles yes thank you 4 great comment, oh but don't tell me abt emotional roller coster coz I'm trying to stay in balance but sometimes it's hard…but anyway good to hear that…frm you, have good sunday evening and see you nxt time again…. πŸ˜€

  35. Originally posted by bentrein:

    Originally posted by greatZenaida:

    you sounds not optimism at all Ben

    Well, when you're on top, the only way you can eventually go is down. But I'm planning to be on top for a while coming. Don't worry about me.

    Lol…I'm not worried abt you…I'm worried abt me how can I forgive myself ( I'm kidding ) ….Oh I hope you're talking something else coz I never met a guy like you so brave…hope you stay on the top and enjoy for a while…cyu lol :cheers: πŸ˜€ :bye:

  36. I'm sorry I went to other blog of Janean yes..thank's a lot knowing this blog of you…Originally posted by jbaird:

    Originally posted by bentrein:

    Similar to True Grit? I only now find out the oscar winning new one is a remake of a 1969 movie! Anotherone I've got to see.

    Yes, Ben. Similar to that. I've seen most of the remake, my husband has watched it several times but haven't seen it all the way through yet… John Wayne was in the original. I'm sure some would say it never should have been redone.Originally posted by bentrein:

    Anyway, back on topic. πŸ˜€ So perhaps friendship is an egg-shaped rubber ball. It bounces whichever way it pleases – so if you really want to hang on to it, you'd better juggle it…

    I think the key is to cherish what you have and be thankful along the way, because you never know when life is going to speed up or slow down or take an unexpected turn and next thing you know all the balls you were juggling start to hit you on the head because you can't keep 'em in the air any longer. Then your friends stop by, one by one, to help you pick 'em up and start jugglin' once again. ~ Janean

    I don't know what to say…I'm so happy to read all your comments here…have a nice day to all… πŸ™‚
    I have to close my site now, responsibilities calling…so see you all nxt time… πŸ™‚ :bye:

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