still standing

I’m breathing in crisp night air
while standing on the curb
just outside the hospital doors
waiting for the hotel shuttle
whisking me back
for my last night in Princess Room
if only I could see the moon
but alas, it’s too cloudy

January 25, 2013
Loyola hospital
near Chicago
northern Illinois

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he’ll be 13 in April

My oldest son has so many good life skills at age 12 3/4. My mom has said, “he’s an old soul,” since he was an infant. I continue to marvel at him, and wonder what God’s plan is for my oldest boy. He is so articulate, knowledgeable about so many topics, and good with people of all ages. He has such compassion and empathy in him, balanced by an in depth knowledge of warfare throughout history and weaponry. Lots of scripture and Bible teaching are buried in his great big heart too. I just keep loving him and encouraging him in all things. Nudging now and then. Downplaying and not gushing to keep his head from swelling. He’s a builder, a dreamer, a planner, a thinker and I hope a doer too. I miss him, his little brother, that great big Blue dog and striped cat too.

Initially written as a text reply, on January 23, 2013, while sitting at my husband’s bedside at Loyola hospital near Chicago. My friend, whose oldest son is the same age (well, 14 days older), was praising my oldest son’s conversation skills. Saying that he speaks intelligently and clearly, and comes across as very knowledgeable and thoughtful. Of course my Mother’s Heart swelled with a bit o’pride. He is mine. Forever and always my baby he’ll be, even now when he towers head and shoulders over me. Not ‘cause he’s a GIANT, though he’s built broad for football, just ‘cause his mama isn’t tall…sayin’ I’m under 5’ is close enough.

I grabbed my hotel breakfast To Go, so I didn’t miss the 7:30 a.m. shuttle I scheduled last night: oatmeal with brown sugar and sliced almonds (thankful for a plastic lid), a banana, one blueberry muffin wrapped up in a napkin (just the way my Grandma taught me long ago) all of which I shoved into my shoulder bag. Then I got a cuppa coffee and waited not too long. Coffee was gone as I was delivered, to the hospital front doors, so I bought a bigger cup and rode the elevator up. Eating now…started with half my blueberry muffin. Might get the other half, or might share…depends on how filled up that hungry man gets when he finishes The Grand Slam breakfast the hospital staff just delivered. Good morning from Loyola!

January 23, 2013
Loyola hospital
near Chicago

I smiled quietly this morning
standing in a window lined hallway
seven stories up
savoring the sun shining in
turned toward North
(I guess)
since Chicago skyline
is on the horizon
I’d stepped out of the hospital room
to call my sister
left a message for her
with my voice breaking
and a few tears falling
at the end

January 22, 2013
Loyola hospital
Chicago suburbs
northern Illinois

feelin’ antsy

I’m antsy ‘cause of being gone for a week-ish starting tomorrow. Everyone else is tucked in, but I’m making a mug o’tea and staying up. Starting now, until its time to go, I’m going to try to do the 157 things I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, but haven’t quite gotten to…because now, all of a sudden, they gotta get done! *it’s hard to be going out of town for medical reasons, not a pleasure trip, and even more so, it’s hard leaving the children behind and being apart for any length of time too*
So, I better go and DO. I’m wound up and coiled tightly on the inside, ready to spring about. Boing! Of course, I also feel immensely weary, like I could curl up and sleep until sometime tomorrow afternoon. *sigh*
~ Janean

January 19, 2013