he’s too much of a gentleman
to put the blame on me
it wasn’t the woofing of the dog
coughing of son number one
or morning grumbles of son number two
that awoke him this morn
from his workin’ mids (3-11)
just unhooked from chemo slumber
it was me
rummaging in the closet for clothes
that jolted him awake
but when I gave him multiple choice
the dog?
youngest son?
he just quietly said, “No”
not elaborating
as he ate a pop tart for breakfast
and took some medicine
before tucking back in
to sleep a little longer
later it dawned on me
but he was too much of a gentleman
to say so
son
my sweet husband surprised me with flowers today
for no reason other than, “We haven’t had any flowers for awhile.”
our oldest son helped pick them out
making them even more special
they are in water now
dressing up the edge of the kitchen sink
which is empty of dirty dishes I’ll have you know
it’s been a nice day here
a good day
a family day
filled with a whole lot of normal
we needed that
this was a no chemo week
the calm before the storm
of nausea,
weakness,
fatigue,
and cold sensitivity
hardest on the flower buying man who endures it
not easy for the rest of us either
we hurt when he hurts
we want to make it better
we all just have to go through it though
to get to the other side
the side with no more cancer
for that is the hope
to get it all
for the cancer to never return
for him to be cured
that day will come
I am sure of it
until then we’re living and loving
one day at a time
and today is extra special
because he bought me flowers
and yes, I’m still smiling
Once in a blue moon I take my children to the grocery store with me.
So far this week, during Christmas vacation, the three of us have made two trips.
On the second, I ended up with Blue Moon ice cream in the cart.
Tonight we taste tested it.
My youngest son and I.
Afterwards he opted to have chocolate instead.
I went for the new kind.
In a dazzling shade if blue.
The Cat was curious.
As cats often are.
Unless my oldest son love, love, LOVES it, I probably won’t buy it again.
Glad we bought it this one time though.
I admit, I’d been wondering about it for awhile now.
The box advertises vanilla with spices.
It’s…interesting.
And Oh, So Pretty.
Ice cream is ice cream.
Cold, sweet and satisfying.
Mmmmmmmm!
Today I am thankful for blue skies and sunshine, after too many gray winter days in a row. It is a beautiful blue sky with white fluffy clouds and the glue of sun behind a particularly big one. Awhile ago I took the screen out of my oldest son’s second story bedroom window. He’s old enough it isn’t a safety hazard. I removed it so that on spectacular sky days I could put my camera out the window and photograph the sky from higher than ground level. It draws me closer. As I type this note the sun is no longer obscured behind a cloud, and the warmth of the bright rays engulf me as I stand near the kitchen window. Yes, today I am thankful for blue skies and sunshine. I needed them both, more than I knew. ~ Janean
it is a crazy daisy kind of day
oldest son feverish and flu-ish
husband getting unhooked from 48 hours of chemo around noon
getting groceries in the six o’clock hour
that’s a.m.
I smile as I spy them in the bin
as I round the corner toward produce
the bin where all the half price bouquets go to wait
for the right shopper
the one who stops and takes a look
taking time to admire the varied assortment of grocery store flowers
oodles of crazy daisies
figuring it is $3.49 well spent
they are the first thing I put in my cart
even though they are never on the list
I head home by seven
as the sky begins to brighten
they are arranged in a vase on the kitchen counter
it is a clear vase, but they turn the water purple
I love that
coffee is done brewing
husband is out the door
time to get breakfast
not sure what is after that
sinking into home today
reading my new book from the library
making it up as we go along
yes, it is a crazy daisy kind of day here
December 21, 2011
Today is the last day of school for my children before Christmas Break begins.
That means there are 6,000 things to think of and try to do before they are home and out of school before Christmas.
Life has been a whirlwind lately, of this, that, and the other, and how I wish I had one more day before their school break.
As it is, I am helping set up the food in 6th grade at 11:40.
My oldest son volunteered us to bring fudge, which my husband and I made together last night before bed.
At 1:00 I am helping in 3rd grade, having prepped an animal snowflake craft for 27 students a few nights ago.
In between now (8:50 a.m.) and 11:40 when I am due at school I am going to eat breakfast, get cleaned up, go to Target, the bank, the grocery store, make one or two more stops and then come home before leaving for school between 11:00 and 11:15.
I will be so ready to be HOME at 3:00 when the school day is done.
My oldest son has a shopping date with his grandparents.
Then church tonight.
I have no idea what’s for supper.
I ruined supper last night, literally pouring it down the drain on accident.
The colander lid wasn’t locked onto the saucepan and all the spaghetti noodles slid from the pan into the sink and down the garbage disposal too fast to grab any back and serve ‘em.
So, instead of spaghetti for supper, my youngest son had a plate of reheated pancakes, my oldest son had two hot dogs and a slice of garlic bread, my husband had an apple turnover and glass of milk and I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and cheez-its.
*sigh*
I am thankful for food to eat and Plan B, that saved the day, once again.
This is why I haven’t been tumblin’ much.
Life is busy, in a good way, and I haven’t had time to daydream, the source of poetry.
At least mine.
I need time to gaze at sunrises and sunsets.
Time to listen to the clock tick with nothing pressing that needs to be done NOW!
Those quiet moments in the days ahead aren’t likely, but I’ll do the best I can to find them and savor them when they happen.
There is lots of Energetic Christmas Is Coming Boy Commotion in my future.
Lookin’ forward to it.
Merry Christmas to you…just in case I’m not back before December 25, 2011.
Love,
Janean
concert day
my oldest son is playin’ violin
on campus today
meetin’ extended family there
listening to music played by children
in concert
from the newest musicians
to more experienced
they save the best for last
this is my sons third year
his first concert with Papa’s violin
from my father, to my son
passed hand to hand
skipping a generation
that boy has music
in his heart and soul
I catch him humming
and playing air violin
after practicing
lookin’ forward to a toe tappin’
heart swelling with love
kind of day
it’s concert day
© Turquoise Tangles
the power of touch
he touches me
gently
sweetly
lovingly
close enough
at bedtime
to share my pillow
hand in my hair
arms around me
sitting close
on the couch
hand in mine
as we walk outside
or listen
side by side
in church
wiping my tears
as they fall silently
sometimes
my youngest son
what a good man
he will grow to be
loving
thoughtful
insightful
a poet himself
who knows already
how to
heal a hurting heart
soothe frazzled nerves
and show love
with small touches
that mean the world
in the moment
and in the memories
simply using
the power of touch
© 2011 Turquoise Tangles
The truest sentence: December 4, 2011
I think I woke up too early, and am still a little fuzzy, and that I missed my window to go back to bed because my oldest son just woke up and turned on the TV and there went my Quiet Time and the day has officially begun as the sky brightens outside my window.
I think too much
It it better to be followed, or be a follower?
How does one have time to do both?
Read AND write?
Part of me feels like I need to get all the other voices out of my head and just write.
Sing my own song.
Even if it is a little off key.
Even if no one wants to read it.
The other part feels like by reading the work of others, I am inspired and nudged and prodded to keep going, and say what needs to be said and tell the stories inside me.
That the two go together.
Like symbiosis.
Which is different from osmosis.
Mostly, I think I woke up too early, and am still a little fuzzy, and that I missed my window to go back to bed because my oldest son just woke up and turned on the TV and there went my Quiet Time and the day has officially begun as the sky brightens outside my window.
~ Janean
© Turquoise Tangles
Turquoise Tangles 