on the edge of emotion
tamping back tears all day
no reason for it
I consider giving in
and letting the tears fall
but I already did my makeup
so I shove ‘em down again
they might be happy tears
for my oldest son’s 12th birthday
or relieved tears
for my father’s safe travel
or exhausted tears
from two weeks
of my own health battle
or apprehensive
it’s a chemo week tears
for my husband
most likely it’s just regular
I’m a girl and cry sometimes tears
even though it makes me mad to feel this way
and I don’t want to be a cliche
there you have it
tamping back tears all day
on the edge of emotion
father

5:30 a.m. on Tuesday, April 10, 2012, added two quarts of oil to my wonderful old gal, Lola the Corolla. There is now more than the merest smidge of oil on the end of the dipstick. Last Friday afternoon, as I drove around town with my sons, my empty fuel light AND my oil light were coming on as a WARNING. Thankfully the fuel fill up was in a nick of time and we didn’t run all the way out of gas. Bought oil at the grocery store last night. I’m sure I paid too much, but it was my last chance to see to it for a few days time and it needed to be done. I’m so glad my dad saw fit to teach me how to check and add oil to my car. I remembered to use a funnel this time, so the garage floor doesn’t have an oil puddle. He taught me other cool stuff too like how to bait a hook, cast a line, shoot a gun, gas weld, fry an egg, cook a burger, sew a button on and drive. The two lessons that were obvious at the time, and not veiled in conversation, are:
1. Don’t speed in small towns.
2. Seek the good and shun the bad.
The second was uttered, as we were left the house I grew up in, on the way to college for my freshman year. That was when his dad shared it with him too. My grandpa heard it from his uncle when he left home to serve in WWII. My children have heard it already. More than once. I’m not waiting until they are eighteen to pass it on. They need now. We all do. All this to say, Dads are special. Oil Pouring Writing About Random Stuff Moms are too, even if we do have to say so ourselves. It’s 5:55 a.m. now. Time to make lunches, pack snacks for testing and write a schedule for today because it’s Mom’s Day Off. Granted, I have to go to the hospital to get one. You see, I’m running on empty and need some TLC, just like my old Corolla. I’ll be OK. Just need to be flat and still after the procedure so I’m off work until tomorrow morning when Blue says, “Woof”, or I wake up on my own. Whichever comes first.
my mom’s spice tea recipe
My mom’s spice tea is one of my favorite tastes of fall and winter. I started my day by making a big pot of it – even though I’m the only one in my house who likes it. It’s Comfort Food for me – in liquid form. My mom made it rarely when I was growing up. I remember spice tea on Christmas morning, snow days and when she’d host her evening card group a few times a year. Sometimes I even got to take the left over to school in my thermos. When you make it, the cinnamon and cloves make the whole house smell good and everything feel all right – inside and out. Happy New Year’s Eve Day, as my father wished me in an early morning e-mail. ~ Janean
Spice Tea
2 cups sugar
2 dozen cloves (or less)
2 cups water
2 or 3 cinnamon sticks
Boil together 15 minutes
Pour 8 cups boiling water over 6 tea bags (or 2 Family Size tea bags), let stand
Add to sugar mixture when brewed
Then add: 4 Tablespoons lemon juice, 1/2 can frozen undiluted orange juice. Add 4 cups boiling water. Simmer, do no boil
Extra can be stored in the refrigerator overnight and reheated the next day. You may want to remove the cloves before storing because their flavor gets stronger if left in overnight.
My sister told me once with a wink that this recipe was supposed to be a secret, but I think it’s meant to be shared.