moving forward

I purposely stayed out of my Online World yesterday. I wanted to enjoy the moment I was in. I did. There were many beautiful ones. Smiles. Hugs. Laughter. Presents. Discarded wrapping paper. Happy boys. Funny Blue stories. Pictures. Memories of Mike spoken aloud. Other memories held close inside. Not too many tears. May the joy and magic of Christmas live in your hearts all year. Christmas is all about the LOVE. Let’s carry more of that into the new year.

December 26, 2013

nearly here

Thanks for sharing my new front door happy yesterday. Now the day before Christmas is here. The tree is up, enough presents are bought, I have to wrap today. Christmas is coming. The boys are excited and a little worried I didn’t “get” their heavy handed hints. (Of course I did.) Thank you for your continued prayers that give us the strength we need, and my calm as this day dawns. Merry Christmas to you and yours! Blue just woofed. Game on.

December 24, 2013
7:12am

Christmas sleuthing

I hope my children haven’t been snooping. They wouldn’t have to try very hard this year. Their gifts are still unwrapped, tucked in my bedroom closet. Evidently I left both the bedroom and closet doors open when I left my room earlier this evening. Left both lights on too. I didn’t plan to fall asleep! Practically an invitation to say, “Come on it and see what’s going on!” Doggone it! Thankfully now, they are asleep. Christmas morning is nearly here. The rest of tonight and then one more sleep. I’ll wrap tomorrow for sure. Tonight it is time to zzzzz.

December 24, 2013
12:25am, a new day just beginning, Christmas Eve Day is here.

Today was Happy New Front Door Day here! I. So. LOVE. It. A bare tree. Meant to be. *lots of smiling and kitchen happy dancing going on*
December 23, 2013

Life whirl

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.

Some couples twirl for many decades.
They marry in their 20’s.
Their family grows with the arrival of babies.
Those babies grow to school age, then graduate from college.
Suddenly your babies have babies of their own.
Decades have flown.
The couple still holds hands and smiles.
They still stand and sway when music plays.
Inside they feel the same.
Outside their hair is silver.
They move a l’il slow, but get there.

Other couples have the music stop abruptly.
It’s the last thing they expect.
They spent a l’il over two decades together.
That’s all ‘twas meant to be.
She sat in the cemetery between their children,
as his body was laid to rest.
They won’t be dancing at their children’s weddings.
He’ll be watching from Heaven instead.

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.
Life still whirls by at a breakneck pace.
Yet, your pace is set on savor.
Home feels good, like a cozy cocoon.
You venture out when necessary.
You pause and marvel at the sunrise.
You lift your face to feel the noonday sun.
You watch the moon wax then wane, and feel a tug.
Days pass.
Nights too.
Family and friends cross your doorstep.
Giving and receiving hugs for hello and goodbye.
Laughter returns, as joy bubbles from within.
Life whirls on.
Dance.
Set your own pace.

I do.
In the kitchen.
Alone.

December 19, 2013
I wish I could tag this “creative writing,” but it is a true story. Mine. After a two year and three month cancer fight, my husband died in August of this year. He had just turned 43. I was still 41. Now I’m 42. We were together over 21 years, counting from our first date. Together nearly half my life, married for 16. I didn’t want to write this poem, but when the words are there you learn to honor them and let them flow. Even when they make you cry crocodile tears that fall as you do. Perhaps this is why my dog was awake extra early today. Coffee and breakfast are next for me while my boys sleep a l’il longer and I can soak up the quiet of the house before chaos and commotion reign again. Zany. Crazy. Wild. Ornery. Rambunctious. Loud. LIFE! It is for living. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of today.
Love,
Janean

P.S. Nearly included this line, “Not quite four months ago, and it’s still hard to believe.” Adding it here as a footnote for now, to mull over later. It’s time to make that coffee, turn on music with the volume low, sing along and sway.

morning wrangling

Laughter is meant to be shared and there was LOTS OF IT here last night. Blue and I are the only ones awake now. Those wild at bedtime because of the full moon outside boys are groaning and rolling back over to zzzz a l’il more. That’s why I said, “Bedtime” before 9:00p. It takes awhile to settle down. Oh, it was a new level of zany in a week filled with LOTS of zany. It’s rather marvelous, really after a lot of really hard.

December 18, 2013

rumpus time

There are more pictures.
My youngest son is a blur.
Just Blue’s tail is in some of them.
There is a picture of my oldest son on the ground.
The pencil his brother threw hit it’s mark.
I’m not posting that one, but if I did the caption would read, “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”
Wildness continued.
Mayhem is another term.
Full Moon Effect.
Walking Blue for the last time now and then I am going to bed.

December 17, 2013

bedtime mayhem

I said, “It’s bedtime.”

My oldest son heard, “It’s time to put on a stormtrooper helmet, grab a noise-making blaster, blare the Imperial March from your back pocket, and come down to the main floor looking for a fight.”

My youngest son minded by getting pjs on but heard, “Grab a sharply pointed pencil to wield like a lightsaber, while simultaneously threatening your big brother with a glass of ice water, and moving quickly from here to there dodging blaster fire.”

Blue heard, “Mom’s tired. Everybody GO CRAZY!”

December 17, 2013

Dear Mom,
Your grandsons and their/our neighborhood friends did you proud.
Love Your Oldest Daughter,
Janean
(Who has made lots of tracks in freshly fallen snow, Blue and me. I wrote a mini blog about it last night and titled it, “paws and boots.”

December 14, 2013
This is a Facebook note I wrote in reply to my mother who was lamenting all the newly fallen snow on her block without any children playing in it. She is a retired elementary school teacher, first third grade, but she spent most of her time teaching kindergarten. The magic and beauty of a new snowfall isn’t lost on her. She still greets snow with verve, sparkly eyed enthusiasm and the most dazzling of smiles.

Blue is a snow dog. We were outside for two hours early this morning. During that time Blue ran and played with Jake (his canine buddy across the street with a fenced yard), we walked around the block so he could “go” and to greet the shoveling neighbors, in between those other endeavors the dog romped on the long leash that is temporarily fastened around the front yard tree while I cleared the driveway and sidewalk (even though we aren’t going anywhere). That was my 6:30a-8:45a. Then breakfast all around. Snow dog is love seat napping now. I have one more cup of coffee waiting to drink, but then I may join him. Happy snowy Saturday here.

December 14, 2013