Monday

January 26, 2013

closer to home

I’m going home today. HOME! Wish it meant my husband was sprung from the hospital near Chicago, but he’s not. I’m going home to my two boys, ages 12 and 9, and that striped cat. My sweet pup, Blue, who I miss too, comes home on Monday from the canine resort. Home to central Illinois where the land is flat and fertile, though the fields lie fallow, and the bare trees of winter show off their curvy bones. Oh. Home.

January 26, 2013

December 10, 2012 Image

I’ve been wearin’ my cowgirl boots everywhere, except to sleep in, for several months now. I slide ‘em on with my pajamas in the early morning to walk the dog, sometimes barefoot, if thick socks aren’t at the ready. Today I had a doctor’s appointment…just an annual check up…the girl kind. Couldn’t help but smile, as I sat waitin’, all gowned up, and caught a glimpse of my discarded street clothes with boots at the ready, for when it was time to go. Home now. Glad that’s over for another year. It’s now mid-afternoon and time to walk the dog again. Boots on the sidewalk. Paws too. Haulin’ ass and tail. ~ Janean

December 10, 2012

October 29, 2012 Image

I began writing this post on our last day of vacation in Orlando, Florida. The day we headed home. In the midst of packing suitcases, carry ons and getting everyone and everything ready to GO, I tried to post this photo and story about my youngest son, but of course when you’re time crunched is when you’re most likely to have technical difficulties. So, I quickly saved as “draft” and decided to wait and post when I could finish a thought again. It’s now Monday morning. My husband is working, my children are at school, the happy-to-be-home-again-dog is sound asleep at my feet and the glad-we’re-home-but-mad-the-dog-is-back-too-cat is plotting from the floor above. Ah, q-u-i-e-t. Just what I needed most. 

On October 26, 2012, my youngest son (age 9) woke up happy and said, “Yeah! It’s Friday! We’re not going to the parks today!” Sweet boy who is happy to be going HOME. It’s his safe spot. I packed a patterned blanket, in shades of golden brown, on his request. It’s a comfort to him. He likes the cozy, softness it offers at night – it feels like something in between fleece and velour. It was worth the luggage space I gave up to bring it along for him. He needed that extra bit of home with him this wonderful week away. A week spent under palm fronds blowing in gentle breezes and a clear blue sky above. The gray clouds and rainy moments never lasted long or dampened the fun of the trip.

We made our own fun, he and I. He was my apple this week. The crowds were a bit too much. Rides not really his thing. Especially fast, dark and loud ones. Up and at ‘em rushing to eat breakfast and catch buses didn’t feel like vacation to him. Extra desserts agreed with him just fine though! So we swam in the hotel pool nearly every day, played video games at the hotel arcade, split brownie desserts down the middle, tucked in early and watched TV or read books in the quiet of the room while his big brother and dad rode the wild rides and stayed up late, adding to the crowds. Most of my vacation pictures are of him (palm trees come in second), caught my oldest son, husband and in laws a few times too. The memories will last. The smiles too. It was a lovely vacation. ~ Janean

October 29, 2012

October 8, 2012

Some things never change

Dear Reckless Girl,

You met my husband yesterday at work. He was on patrol, so that’s not necessarily a good thing. He told me about you, in the late afternoon stillness of our house, on a Sunday afternoon. No names. No identifying data. That’d be confidential and it still is.  

I’d been sort of napping, while the dog woofed, the phone rang and the children were next door, at the neighbors. I kept my eyes closed as he told about how you were woken up rather abruptly on Sunday morning, after a wild night of partying with college boys, yet you’re still in high school. 

I listened. I heard. I thought back to over 20 years ago. Some things never change. Damn it. Why can’t they change for the better?! 

Why can’t teenage girls, with a woman’s body and a girl’s heart, have enough self esteem and strength of character to resist this cycle of drinkin’, flirtin’ and gettin’ naked when the weekend rolls around?! Today’s Monday, and you’ll be sittin’ pretty in your high school honors classes, perhaps whisperin’, grinnin’ and gigglin’ with your best friend about your wild child escapades. 

Next weekend will be much of the same. It’s a cycle. An ugly one. A hurtful one. It hurts on the inside, where no one can see. You’re hurting yourself, not those you are rebelling against. You. You’re hurting you.

What seems so fun in the moment is just a temporary escape. The dark of night only lasts so long, to hide your secret self. In morning’s light you’re still you, with effects from the night before lingering as a reminder.

You did those things. Now, face yourself in the mirror. That’s right, look into your eyes. Yep. There it is. Just as I thought. Hurt and brokenness, covered up with sass and feigned bravado. 

I don’t know your name. You don’t know mine. But I know your teenage heart that yearns for true love, and your mixed up head that’s so smart in book learnin’ durin’ the week and so foolish in choices made on the weekend. Some things never change. Damn it. 

It’s up to you. You have to break the cycle. Oh, it won’t be now. You’re having too much fun…or so you think. But someday, instead of drinkin’ until you’re so trashed you don’t care who you get busy with, you’ll meet him. And odds are good that it won’t be at a bar or a drinkin’ party. He’ll love you for your head and heart and well, as a bonus he’ll think you’re kinda sexy too. 

For now, just think about it. I hope you have good friends. The kind who can tell you when you’re being too reckless, even for them, to hang out with. The kind who know the whole ugly truth but love you anyway, because they just do. 

Love,

Someone Who Cares

July 16, 2012

must be Monday

I kissed my husband, as I headed out the door with the barking to go out dog…again.
And said, “Have a good day” and added, “I promise not to be a b*tch.”
As if it being 4-H crunch time weren’t enough of a reason for that promise, there are more…
The Cat, needs to see the vet unexpectedly for an open wound we saw for the first time at bedtime last night. Poor Miss Snuggles. Hoping it’s not too serious (or expensive).
That Dog, is into EVERYTHING this morning:
First, Blue ate most of a toy air rocket made of nerf-like material.
Then he smashed my daylilies to smithereens because he thinks they feel good to lie on while rocket chewing.
Next thing I knew, Blue pulled the downspout extender out from under the deck stairs and drug it into the yard in order to recover one of his tennis balls that have been missing for awhile.
Topped off by Blue ducking underneath the grill cover, that is drying out across the top of two patio chairs, because he thinks it makes a cool Dog Fort. I only wish he was grinning with his tongue lolling out in the photo I managed to snap before shooing him out from under there.
Somewhere in the midst of all that, which took place over two hours time, I made coffee, ate breakfast, sent a few emails and unloaded the dishwasher.
Oh, and did I mention the family gathering at our house this evening at 6:30?!
It’ll be a nice time.
I’m sure of it.
Thanks for listening.
Sometimes just being able to vent a bit, can take the edge off my surly self.
Hugs help too.
Always.
So do hot showers and naps.
Blue is napping now.
Can I join him?
Not yet.
Grrrrrrrrr

July 16, 2012

April 16, 2012 Image

Standing at the sink.
Workin’ on the perpetual dishes.
I was about to give in to the tears that have been threatening all day.
Really.
I was.
Then I look over and see that cone headed puppy with his head in the dishwasher.
I took a picture before shooin’ him away with a, “No!”
Because he made me grin and chuckle a bit instead of sob into the sink.
Thankful yet again for our dog, Blue.