Spring forward
means May is gettin’ closer
one year since diagnosis
the end of six months of chemo
for him
not me
May
when another school year ends
and summer begins
a time for healing
how I love Spring forward this year
the sunrise
striped in orange
is lingering
now a golden glow
I feel hopeful
nearly there
I feel thankful
goin’ for the cure
so glad for the chance
to move the clock ahead
and get to May
one hour closer
for it’s time to
Spring forward
cancer
my sweet husband surprised me with flowers today
for no reason other than, “We haven’t had any flowers for awhile.”
our oldest son helped pick them out
making them even more special
they are in water now
dressing up the edge of the kitchen sink
which is empty of dirty dishes I’ll have you know
it’s been a nice day here
a good day
a family day
filled with a whole lot of normal
we needed that
this was a no chemo week
the calm before the storm
of nausea,
weakness,
fatigue,
and cold sensitivity
hardest on the flower buying man who endures it
not easy for the rest of us either
we hurt when he hurts
we want to make it better
we all just have to go through it though
to get to the other side
the side with no more cancer
for that is the hope
to get it all
for the cancer to never return
for him to be cured
that day will come
I am sure of it
until then we’re living and loving
one day at a time
and today is extra special
because he bought me flowers
and yes, I’m still smiling
puppy love
Sometimes Hope comes wrapped in tan and black fur, with floppy ears, a big lolling tongue, a long wagging tail and the name, Blue.
We bought our first dog yesterday.
A 14 week old German Shepherd puppy.
My husband has wanted a German Shepherd since before we were married.
That’s been over 14 1/2 years ago now.
We needed something happy and hopeful.
A dog is both.
He helps us look past May, when the chemo treatments end.
He helps us think about the day that my husband is done with all these doctors and surgeries and make plans for a cancer free future.
We just knew he was our dog.
From a google search my husband did on Monday, and the pictures of him playing with a kitten that were e-mailed to us later that day.
A brief talk with the breeder on Tuesday to set up the appointment to meet him on Saturday.
Thankful for a second call on Friday, before someone else came to meet him Friday afternoon.
Gave us a chance to put a deposit down, to say aloud and with certainty, he’s going to be our dog.
A visit with my parents, grandfather and cousins on Friday night and Saturday morning in Southern Illinois.
Then on to meet our dog and bring him home.
Oh, how we love him.
He fits into our family just right.
Keeping us all more on the go, more unplugged and more together, than we’ve been of late.
My husband is talking about renaming him.
The boys and I agree though, that Blue is just right too.
Today is Day 2.
So far so good.
Thank you for sharing our happy news.
We are kicking off 2012 with Hope, and will be busy loving and chasing and training our new dog, Blue.
Thank you for your continued prayers, as my husband gets hooked up to his third round of chemo on Tuesday.
Unhooked on Thursday, which is when the nausea usually hits the hardest.
We’ll keep in touch…and share puppy pictures too.
Oh, he’s super great and wonderful and pretty as can be, handsome actually, as he’s a boy dog.
The girls are getting more outnumbered all the time.
One mom and one girl cat, who is Not Amused.
One dad, two sons and one boy dog, our newest addition.
Love,
Janean
P.S. We are so keeping his name…if I get to add any weight to my vote at all…and because I’m trouble enough to try to get you on my side to keep it as is. Happy Sunday! We’ve played all morning with our puppy and he’s sleeping in his kennel with the door open, in time for us to go to church in about 30 minutes. We’re going with a smile, always. But today’s is a little brighter, due to Puppy Love.
NOTE: I originally posted this on Sunday, January 8, 2012, the day after we brought Blue home, on my husband’s Caring Bridge page. I’m posting it here today to explain where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing instead of Tumblr-ing. I’m A Dog Mom now. A Puppy Mom to be specific. We’re going for walks, playing with his rope toy AND doing the things that need done to take care of my family and household. Still figuring out how to do all that and write too…hoping to figure it out SOON.
Evanescence
Evanescence is a gradual thing,
Nearly imperceptible to the human eye.Small pieces simply blend into the background clutter,
Blurring what were distinct lines.Subtly the erosion continues,
Widening the gulf between the present and the absent.A larger world, hardly noticing or caring
Of what is being lost, continues on without skipping a beat.And eventually the foreground and background
Blend seamlessly around what once was there,But now is…
Nothing
I read this poem last night.
When I stalked your page, the way you stake out mine.
You taught me a new word in the process, Mr. Scrabble.
And made my heart hurt.
I hate that you feel this way.
I can read between the lines.
Is it because I put together the Star Wars thing?
And that is usually your job?
I just knew you were tired.
From working all day.
From giving blood before chemo again.
From Making An Appearance.
I was trying to help.
I made it worse.
Par for the course it seems.
You are here.
You are with us.
We are so thankful for that.
Every day you’re here.
Cancer can’t have you.
You are going to beat it.
We’re going for the cure.
You are going to beat it.
(Because it bears repeating.)
I love you damn it.
SO BIG!
Sorry I am a mess at showing you…
even after all the years we’ve been together.
You’d think we’d have it down by now.
Today is a new day.
Screw evanescence.
It’s for steam and fog.
Not people.
You are here.
Very much with us.
And we are thankful.
1. (noun) evanescence: the event of fading and gradually vanishing from sight; “the evanescence of the morning mist”
© Turquoise Tangles, in reply to aclarityofconscious
crazy dreams
I dreamt crazy dreams last night
of things I don’t want to happen
not for a long time
anyway
yet in my dreams it felt so real
losing you
too soon
and being strong
through it all
lest I embarrass you
from Heaven
but it hurt so much
felt
so real
shaking hands at the visitation
crying at the funeral
with our children beside me
missing you too
I was so relieved
to realize
it was just a dream
and you are still here
to love in person
when I awoke
from another night
of crazy dreams
© 2011 Turquoise Tangles
sleep
I slept four hours
hard
thanks to Sandman
and the cat
they both cuddled me
fast asleep
sometime before ten
now it’s the wee hours
of the night
full dark outside
I can hear the clock tick
and the chimes chime
my child’s cough
from up the stairs
I’ll tuck back in
before the sun rises
or midday
for a nap
home feels good
after four nights
in the hospital
we’re together
again
sleepin’ under
the same roof
as it should be
TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!
TODAY IS FILLED WITH PRAISES!
Before the doctors came in on rounds,
it was an especially gorgeous sunrise,
with bands of color across the horizon.
Even more spectacular,
than yesterday’s golden glow.
Good news from The Pathology Report.
A clear CT scan.
Minimal air around the lungs.
Nothing showed up on the x-ray.
Going home.
Staples out today.
Hemoglobin OK.
I am crying tears of Joy.
Why do we doubt,
when God is so good?
He has this under control.
He’s showing us,
step by step,
I have this.
Trust Me.
But we doubt.
We worry.
We fret.
Well, I do.
Even when he gives us the gift
of a sunrise in vivid hues
to say, “I Am Here”.
Thank you, God.
It’s your prayers.
All of them.
Each and every one.
We are so overwhelmed
with the power of them,
as God keeps moving mountains
from our path.
He hears them.
He answers.
In His time.
In His way.
God is good.
All the time.
How Great Is Our God!
Love and thankfulness
for each of you,
for walking so closely with us
on my husband’s journey
through cancer,
from diagnosis to survivor,
is our prayer.
Friday morning, November 18, 2011
© 2011 Turquoise Tangles
Turquoise Tangles 