Loving my backyard hangout spot, with my jean-clad butt plopped on a corner of the patio, not in a chair. My bare feet are in the grass and my toes are tapping and I am singing along to the Praise songs playing from my ipad mini. I’m posting this via mobile of course! My silver laptop, with letters long ago worn off the keys, awaits. The luxury of a full keyboard is a new one, after writing so much tapping via a tiny touch screen. That Birthday Dog is eating grass. Ugh. Best of all, the oven timer just went off, which means later today there will be a delectable chocolate cake. Maybe it seems silly to you to make all this fuss over a dog’s birthday, thinking, “Two years old, big whoop. He’s a dog.” It’s so much more than that though, as most things in life are. There are many layers and undertones. We bought Blue seven months into my husband’s two years and three month long cancer fight. That dog saved me. Blue got me out of the house and under the sky, at all hours of the day and night, walking, moving, and helped me take off the stress induced, comfort food eating, weight. A month ago my husband’s soul went to Heaven. He is no longer in pain. It was four weeks ago on Monday, but it is a calendar month today. Since I was a young girl being outside made it better. Whatever “it” was in my life, being outdoors soothed me from the inside out. I need the grass between my toes, the sun on my face and the breeze blowing my dark brown hair. Blue knows Outside Makes It Better too. He’s a really smart pup, my Blue. I love him more than I should, but that’s the beauty of love, you don’t divide it, you multiply it. A lesson from my mother. She’s really smart too!
~ Janean

September 26, 2013

I baked the cake I promised my boys yesterday, after I said, “No” at the grocery store. They were both drooling over a display of square cakes near the bakery decorated in patriotic red, white and blue. Two heart shaped chocolate cakes are cooling atop the oven now. Those two cake loving boys are still sleeping which meant I got to lick the beaters, bowl and spatula all by myself. It’s a good thing I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror to clean the telltale chocolate cake batter off of my face before they wake up. I’m tackling the thistle roots in the garden next. It must be Saturday morning.

June 29, 2013

“When your life appears to be the most stable and calm, unexpected changes will occur.”
~ quote from the book, “Understanding and Sharing” chapter 7, page 141

I’ve just begun to sort through the boxes that hold the remnants from my childhood bedroom. It was February of 1994 when I packed up my basement bedroom at 21 Jones Place. I remember the date because that’s when my parents moved to their dream house, a new construction built just for them. Today I removed a slim spiral bound notebook from one of the boxes. It’s an odd size, 7 3/4” x 5”. On the cardboard cover I’d written, “Ceramics” and my maiden name, “Janean Thompson.” On page one, opposite from the quote shared above, the upper right hand corner of my notes declare, “1-30-90.” That’d be from second semester of my freshman year in college. Eons ago. Light years. More than two decades in calendar reality, not based on dramatic storytelling time. Of course I found this quote today, “6-16-13.” One of many notes I’ve uncovered this morning that I left for my future self. That’d be me. The woman I am now. The mother of two boys, ages 13 and so close to 10, who sees photographs of that teenage girl with the mane of long brown hair and smile so bright, and wonders, “Who was she? Where did she go? What were her dreams?” My soul whispers in reply, “I’m still here. Look inside.” I’m trying to. My sister’s wise advice is, “Just be you.”

June 16, 2013

nice words

Yesterday I heard two things a woman always loves to hear:
1. From a wonderful friend, “You look thinner.”
2. My 14 year old nephew, “Aunt Janean, Grandma just told me how old you are.”
I reply, “I’m 41.”
Sweet teenage boy says, “I can’t believe it! I thought you were in your 30’s.”
These are words a woman remembers. If you’re looking for me today, my thinner, 30-something self, will still be floating on Cloud 9 with a mile wide smile, Artist, Poet, Daydreamer Style.

June 7, 2013

tastebuds awakening

My oldest boy asked for SPAM again at supper time yesterday. He wanted to try it as a sandwich this time, which I served cold. He took a bite and then asked if I’d warm up the SPAM in the skillet again. Of course I obliged. Afterwards my thirteen year old son decided he liked SPAM best with breakfast. I have a feeling this journey is just beginning: My Life As A SPAM Cook. ~ Janean

May 26, 2013

I’m letting Blue dog curl up next to me in the empty love seat spot
There is a doorknob jangle
Nearly 8:00am
First boy is out of bed
My oldest, The Early Bird (like me)
He saw Blue on the love seat and said, “Oh boy. Mom!”
Then he pet Blue and said, “Look at him. He likes this I betcha.”
Yep. He does. Spoiled rotten love him too much Blue dog.
Nearly 9:00am now
Youngest son joins us in the family room and says, “There’s another Blue on the couch.”
To the dog he says, “Blue, you’re in my spot.”
What follows made me laugh aloud…
Youngest boy climbs across arm of love seat, surprised dog gets down, then once my nine year old son is tucked tightly up against my side, Blue jumps up again in the space remaining
Quiet from earlier is replaced with a WWII show from History channel being played back via DVR
Saturday morning has truly begun
Blue is even sleeping on the floor
Breakfast for the boys is next
Good morning

May 18, 2013

a l’il luck

in this moment
I’m all kinds o’weepy
still wearing my fleece pajamas
with peacock adorned rain boots
(of course)
I don’t care about societal rules
pajamas smajamas, I’m not nude
just leaving the grocery store
where I bought a shamrock plant
figured I could use a l’il luck
hoping for the good kind
years ago, more than 20
my mom gave me shamrocks
for my college dorm room
that’d be four of them
‘cause a green thumb is not my gift
I’d forgotten all about ‘em
until they recently caught my eye
plant after plant
set along a deep window edge
waiting to catch sunlight
I mentioned them aloud
walking down the window lined hall
following the kind woman
one of many helping me through
she casually replied
“They are mine.”
Shamrocks
for luck
‘tis their month you know
March and all
with the fun of St. Patrick’s Day
less than a week away
soon

March 11, 2013

cookie time

My doorbell just rang. When I answered the front door, there was the cutest little Girl Scout standing on my front porch, alongside her smiling mother. The littlest Girl Scout, with a pixie smile, was dressed all in purple, topped off with her vest adorned with patches earned. Of course I bought one more box of thin mints, because I had exactly $4 cash, and they are my very favorite kind.

February 9, 2013

he’ll be 13 in April

My oldest son has so many good life skills at age 12 3/4. My mom has said, “he’s an old soul,” since he was an infant. I continue to marvel at him, and wonder what God’s plan is for my oldest boy. He is so articulate, knowledgeable about so many topics, and good with people of all ages. He has such compassion and empathy in him, balanced by an in depth knowledge of warfare throughout history and weaponry. Lots of scripture and Bible teaching are buried in his great big heart too. I just keep loving him and encouraging him in all things. Nudging now and then. Downplaying and not gushing to keep his head from swelling. He’s a builder, a dreamer, a planner, a thinker and I hope a doer too. I miss him, his little brother, that great big Blue dog and striped cat too.

Initially written as a text reply, on January 23, 2013, while sitting at my husband’s bedside at Loyola hospital near Chicago. My friend, whose oldest son is the same age (well, 14 days older), was praising my oldest son’s conversation skills. Saying that he speaks intelligently and clearly, and comes across as very knowledgeable and thoughtful. Of course my Mother’s Heart swelled with a bit o’pride. He is mine. Forever and always my baby he’ll be, even now when he towers head and shoulders over me. Not ‘cause he’s a GIANT, though he’s built broad for football, just ‘cause his mama isn’t tall…sayin’ I’m under 5’ is close enough.