Life whirl

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.

Some couples twirl for many decades.
They marry in their 20’s.
Their family grows with the arrival of babies.
Those babies grow to school age, then graduate from college.
Suddenly your babies have babies of their own.
Decades have flown.
The couple still holds hands and smiles.
They still stand and sway when music plays.
Inside they feel the same.
Outside their hair is silver.
They move a l’il slow, but get there.

Other couples have the music stop abruptly.
It’s the last thing they expect.
They spent a l’il over two decades together.
That’s all ‘twas meant to be.
She sat in the cemetery between their children,
as his body was laid to rest.
They won’t be dancing at their children’s weddings.
He’ll be watching from Heaven instead.

Life whirls by fast, like a marvelous dance.
Then the music stops and you’re dancing alone.
Life still whirls by at a breakneck pace.
Yet, your pace is set on savor.
Home feels good, like a cozy cocoon.
You venture out when necessary.
You pause and marvel at the sunrise.
You lift your face to feel the noonday sun.
You watch the moon wax then wane, and feel a tug.
Days pass.
Nights too.
Family and friends cross your doorstep.
Giving and receiving hugs for hello and goodbye.
Laughter returns, as joy bubbles from within.
Life whirls on.
Dance.
Set your own pace.

I do.
In the kitchen.
Alone.

December 19, 2013
I wish I could tag this “creative writing,” but it is a true story. Mine. After a two year and three month cancer fight, my husband died in August of this year. He had just turned 43. I was still 41. Now I’m 42. We were together over 21 years, counting from our first date. Together nearly half my life, married for 16. I didn’t want to write this poem, but when the words are there you learn to honor them and let them flow. Even when they make you cry crocodile tears that fall as you do. Perhaps this is why my dog was awake extra early today. Coffee and breakfast are next for me while my boys sleep a l’il longer and I can soak up the quiet of the house before chaos and commotion reign again. Zany. Crazy. Wild. Ornery. Rambunctious. Loud. LIFE! It is for living. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of today.
Love,
Janean

P.S. Nearly included this line, “Not quite four months ago, and it’s still hard to believe.” Adding it here as a footnote for now, to mull over later. It’s time to make that coffee, turn on music with the volume low, sing along and sway.

this morning’s sunrise
color filled the sky
as I looked back
over my shoulder
waiting on that dog

this morning’s sunrise
I nearly missed it
considered shortcutting
skipping our usual park walk
so glad we took the long way

this morning’s sunrise
all the more beautiful
because of the still, quiet, calm
across a neighborhood
usually filled with busy sounds

this morning’s sunrise
I paused to take a photograph
a picture never does it justice
the color is richer
the pink truer
the clouds more fanciful
yet a photo catches the moment
when I removed my gray fleece glove

this morning’s sun rose
just a little before seven a.m.
the temperature was zero
my weather app said it felt like -15 
cold
it was cold
Blue and I kept walking
on toward the park
moving closer to home
as the sky smiled
in shades of pink, lavender and blue
white sky now
a winter one
so glad I was up and at ‘em
and didn’t miss the glowing glory
of this morning’s sunrise

December 12, 2013

It is 10:26am now. Outside temperatures have warmed up to 12 degrees F, and it feels like -6 now. Warming up!

bedtime

sent my boys to bed hours ago
stayed up for quiet time
love seat dozed
lulled by ticking clock
soothed by wind chimes
chiming from back deck
woke up enough
to decide to go to bed
took Blue out fast
wore my fuzzy slippers
the night sky is clear
the moon and stars are bright
saw Orion
smiled
hustled back inside
the wind is blowing
like it’s going to storm
I haven’t checked radar
just an intuition forecast
that, and I saw a sundog in the sky today
driving my oldest boy home from school
a rainbow in a cloud
I love those
I never think they are saying, “rain is coming”
I think they are a gift from God saying, “My promises are real. My covenants, like the rainbow I gave Noah, to say I’ll never destroy the Earth by water, ever again. Trust Me. I got this.”
fanciful perhaps
but it works for me
even if rain follows too
I love rain
it soothes me
as does being cozy, warm inside my home, listening to the blowing, gust of the wind, not worrying over rain, sleet or snow one bit, because there is a new roof now, in gorgeous burnt sienna shingles
win-win
no matter what
happy thoughts
as I finally tuck into bed
a l’il after 1:00am

November 14, 2013

Press On

Fear has held me back a lot
It still does
It takes so much inner fortitude to press through that wall of fear
So much
Fear can be paralyzing
It is a hurdle to go over, around, under or through
Another metaphor is a mountain
Then it’s time for a mountain moving prayer
Faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain (Matthew 17:20)
God’s Word tells us quite frequently to, “Fear Not”
This is yet another of the many lessons I’m in the midst of learning
Holding on to God’s promises and telling the Devil to “Be Gone”
Easier said than done
That’s why we have community and prayer
Always
Prayer

November 10, 2013

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…

takingstockofwhatmattersmost:

my body…broke inside
so no one can see
but i know now i will be fine
i’m on my knees…finally me

i look to the Heavens
my arms spread open wide
sometimes Faith takes time
for those who are broke…inside

He see’s what others cannot
He accepts my faults from above
He takes my hand and leads me home
He sacrificed His Son to show His love

He is my refuge and my fortress
He is where my strength comes from
He protects me in the shadow of His wings
He cares for me, loves me
He forgives me again and again
He provides for the sparrows
and also for me and my boys
I am thankful
So very thankful
What a journey it has been
Climbing mountains so steep
Wandering in the vast wilderness
Desert dry as we sought an oasis
Mountains moved by Faith
Paths appearing where there seemed no way
Hope springing eternal
A fount of many blessings
Through it all we pray
Renewal in the final weeks
Walking through the valley
of the shadow of death
God’s promises are real
His covenants
He goes before you
He prepares the way
Fear not
Do not be ashamed
He will never leave you
Pray “Your will, not mine”
Be still
and know that He is God
The God of Moses
The God of Daniel
The God of David
Father of Jesus
He is our Father
in Heaven
He is there
He will heal your heart
Trust Him today

October 27, 2013
two months and a day since my husband died

Taking Stock…The Things That Matter Most: my body…broke insideso no one can seebut i know now i will be finei’m…