tears

October 3, 2012 Image

Today was for standin’ in the kitchen, cryin’ at a Country song, while makin’ lasagna – one for my family and one for a friend’s. It snuck up on me. That song about fathers and daughters. Caught me unaware and ill prepared as it took me back through all those early years. I didn’t know those tears were waitin’, hoverin’ beneath the surface. Some days are just like that. One lasagna delivered with garlic bread and salad for the sides. One lasagna is in the oven. Ours. And those damn dishes are waitin’ in the sink. The day is still young. I’ll do ‘em…soon. ~ Janean

October 3, 2012

August 30, 2012 Image

today I am thankful for sunglasses
that shield my tired eyes
from prying ones
the tears I didn’t want to cry
fell anyway
from my weary, tired eyes
I’ve found sunglasses work best
if you can conjure up a little smile
to go with them
then no one stops to wonder
why your eyelids only open to half mast
‘cause they are fallin’ for your smile
the smile that doesn’t quite reach
your UV glass protected eyes

August 30, 2012

May 28, 2012 Image

there is a crow
I just now spied
heckling the dog and I
with cawing
that never ends
I much prefer
early morning silence
other than the jingling
from my pup’s collar
caw caw caw
on a repetitive loop
I didn’t
get out of bed
for this
woof
awoke me
from a bizarre dream
in full color
a jumble of images
and me
in a place
I didn’t want to be
awake is better
even if it’s early
even if the crow
needs to stop
and fly away now
my eyes gritty
from tears cried
yesterday
ahhhhhhh
some actual birdsong
bye bye Mr. Crow
I didn’t even
resort to violence
though I considered
my options
he must have realized
not to mess with me
as I have no patience
for cawing
that never ends

May 28, 2012
written somewhere in the 5 o’clock a.m. hour
damn crow

April 16, 2012 Image

Standing at the sink.
Workin’ on the perpetual dishes.
I was about to give in to the tears that have been threatening all day.
Really.
I was.
Then I look over and see that cone headed puppy with his head in the dishwasher.
I took a picture before shooin’ him away with a, “No!”
Because he made me grin and chuckle a bit instead of sob into the sink.
Thankful yet again for our dog, Blue.

April 16, 2012

on the edge

on the edge of emotion
tamping back tears all day
no reason for it
I consider giving in
and letting the tears fall
but I already did my makeup
so I shove ‘em down again
they might be happy tears
for my oldest son’s 12th birthday
or relieved tears
for my father’s safe travel
or exhausted tears
from two weeks
of my own health battle
or apprehensive
it’s a chemo week tears
for my husband
most likely it’s just regular
I’m a girl and cry sometimes tears
even though it makes me mad to feel this way
and I don’t want to be a cliche
there you have it
tamping back tears all day
on the edge of emotion

February 8, 2012

Fine

Please don’t ask how I am.
I’ll either smile, and lie through my teeth saying, “Fine, and you?” or I’ll start crying and tell you I’m a bit of a wreck these days.
I hate crying too.
I want to be all strong and in control of my emotions.
But alas, I am a girl.
A woman if you’re going to get technical, and I’m a bundle of emotions these days.
I’m as liable to hit ya as kiss ya if you get too damn close for comfort.
So let me smile and say, “Fine”.
It’s easier for both of us.
Trust me.
No bruises or tears that way either.

February 8, 2012

spinning

“Put on a happy face.”
words from my childhood
“Never let ‘em see you cry.”
words that echo in my head
I am a spin master
I can talk about anything
and everything
under the sun
or under a gray
and cloudy day
I can deflect
and reflect
and run my own game
I may fool a stranger
and new acquaintance
others though,
those closest,
know how to see behind
a smile too bright,
eyes a bit weary and damp,
to the heavy heart within
they put an end
to the spinning
with a hug
as the smile fades
tears fall
it’s OK
for them to see me cry
I am loved
by Him