it was a be-a-u-ti-ful day today
amazingly so
we can’t quite believe the unseasonably warm,
lack of bone chilling wind,
sunshine not rain,
daffodil bloom filled days
it is only mid March
and it feels like May
amazing, remarkable, wonderful
and I’m sure not complaining
I spent the afternoon outdoors
visiting with a friend
she is also my husband’s sister
bonus
the dogs were there too
hers and mine
they ran free
no leashes needed at the farm
we lay in the grass
sat up some too
walked when needed
sometimes in sun
sometimes in shade
always under the blue sky above
with white puffy clouds
the happy kind
and air warm enough
we were just in shirt sleeves
everyone is going to sleep well tonight
yes, it was a be-a-u-ti-ful day

Yesterday I wrote on my electronic reminder list, “Do the damn dishes. Every last one.”
I didn’t take a BEFORE picture.
Too embarrassing.
But here is my PROVING IT photograph.
The picture I took before clicking, “Done”, moving my e-reminder from unfinished business to COMPLETED.
Until breakfast tomorrow.
Or drinks in the night.
I’m out numbered you know.
Just savoring this moment.
While it lasts.
The dishwasher is running.
Thankful for that too.
Always.
My husband even said, “The sink looks nice.”
Damn straight it does.
It’s empty.
Hallelujah the dishes are DONE.
(For now.)

my sweet husband surprised me with flowers today
for no reason other than, “We haven’t had any flowers for awhile.”
our oldest son helped pick them out
making them even more special
they are in water now
dressing up the edge of the kitchen sink
which is empty of dirty dishes I’ll have you know
it’s been a nice day here
a good day
a family day
filled with a whole lot of normal
we needed that
this was a no chemo week
the calm before the storm
of nausea,
weakness,
fatigue,
and cold sensitivity
hardest on the flower buying man who endures it
not easy for the rest of us either
we hurt when he hurts
we want to make it better
we all just have to go through it though
to get to the other side
the side with no more cancer
for that is the hope
to get it all
for the cancer to never return
for him to be cured
that day will come
I am sure of it
until then we’re living and loving
one day at a time
and today is extra special
because he bought me flowers
and yes, I’m still smiling

double damn

damn

double damn

this is not how I wanted today to start

with a headache threatening at my temples upon waking

and you throwing my words from yesterday back at me

yes I do need quiet time

so I can handle the noise and commotion

but I need you too

I thought the walls came down

in the storm of emotion

a few weeks ago

but they are going back up

because the wounds are deep

on both sides

no wonder my head hurts

damn

double damn

this sucks

© Turquoise Tangles

Evanescence

aclarityofconscious:

Evanescence is a gradual thing,
Nearly imperceptible to the human eye.

Small pieces simply blend into the background clutter,
Blurring what were distinct lines.

Subtly the erosion continues,
Widening the gulf between the present and the absent.

A larger world, hardly noticing or caring
Of what is being lost, continues on without skipping a beat.

And eventually the foreground and background 
Blend seamlessly around what once was there,

But now is…
Nothing

I read this poem last night. 

When I stalked your page, the way you stake out mine. 

You taught me a new word in the process, Mr. Scrabble. 

And made my heart hurt. 

I hate that you feel this way. 

I can read between the lines.

Is it because I put together the Star Wars thing?

And that is usually your job?

I just knew you were tired. 

From working all day. 

From giving blood before chemo again. 

From Making An Appearance. 

I was trying to help. 

I made it worse. 

Par for the course it seems. 

You are here. 

You are with us. 

We are so thankful for that. 

Every day you’re here. 

Cancer can’t have you. 

You are going to beat it. 

We’re going for the cure. 

You are going to beat it. 

(Because it bears repeating.)

I love you damn it. 

SO BIG!

Sorry I am a mess at showing you…

even after all the years we’ve been together. 

You’d think we’d have it down by now.

Today is a new day.

Screw evanescence.

It’s for steam and fog.

Not people. 

You are here.

Very much with us. 

And we are thankful.

1. (noun) evanescence: the event of fading and gradually vanishing from sight; “the evanescence of the morning mist”

© Turquoise Tangles, in reply to aclarityofconscious

P.S.

P.S. I made seven pieces to show

seven, in three days time

it felt so good too

on the inside

why did I wait so long?

this is part of me

time to set it free

and create with abandon

because I can

because I was made to

by Him

that is enough of a reason

The Reason

to make art

message received

lesson nearly learned

takes me a few times

of getting conked on the head

to get it

completely

and set my eyes on Him

and be the woman

He made me to be

I am an artist

I’m still learning to say it aloud

today’s the day I do just that

© Turquoise Tangles

today’s the day

today’s the day I show my art

the pieces that have had my laser focus

for the past few days

I still can’t believe I said, “Yes” so fast

without anything ready to show

with a week’s notice

and other activities scheduled as well

amazingly it all came together

with my husband’s help

and encouragement

mostly he gave me the space

to create

and only called me stubborn once

I owned it and agreed

I kept saying, “This just feels

like too good

of an opportunity

to miss”

he understood

he did

and now

excited

scared

and nervous

sums up the jangle in my stomach 

details to see to 

things to do

one more piece of artwork

to finish and get framed

first thing this morning

because

today’s the day

YIKES!

© Turquoise Tangles