I’m finding my mellow poolside, under palm trees and a light blue sky. Not a cloud in it either. Just right breeze and temp too for shorts and a t-shirt at 8:36am ET. Maybe the coffee has something to do with that. Oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon too. Snuck out while my family was sleeping. Some quiet alone time, just for me.
~ Janean

I am in love with the light this fall. This morning’s sky looks like a pastel drawing. And yes, I hung out of my oldest son’s second story window to take this photograph from above the treetops. I took the screen out long ago for moments such as this. Just know, it’s better in person. Changing in brightness, hue and warm orange glow before my very eyes. I’m greeting the sun with a smile on my lips and good morning wishes for you. ~ Janean

October 17, 2012

October 16, 2012

my day ended much the same way it began

walking my dog beneath a dark, yet starlit sky

I woke too soon this morning

4-something instead of 5-ish

I tried to go back to sleep

by 4:45am I’d given up 

and murmured to my husband, “My brain’s awake.”

as I rolled out of bed

he wryly replied, “I don’t think it ever shuts down.”

perhaps not

there are those crazy dreams sometimes

the ones I remember in a vague, bizarre way

the day itself was a good one

drove my boys to school

and I went in with ‘em

spent the morning there

sittin’ in a 5th grade classroom

mounting Art Club art on colored paper

writing out title cards for each piece

then usin’ my three step stool

to hang this mini art show in the hall

in time for Grandparent’s Day on Thursday

home around 11 to walk Blue again

made a phone call, texted with a friend

ate some soup for lunch

napped

a luxury

set my phone alarm so I’d be up in time

to walk the dog again before school let out

picked up my children

fed my parent’s cats

home again

early supper

not a fancy one

make up soccer game at 5:30

for the one we didn’t play in the rain

the sunset was spectacular

my son’s team won the game too

home for the night this time

Blue and I went ‘round the block again

evening spent in the kitchen

dishes, bills, papers

then that last starlit walk

last one ‘til early mornin’ anyway

bedtime

everyone else is tucked in

my turn…now

‘night

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

October 16, 2012

Some things never change

Dear Reckless Girl,

You met my husband yesterday at work. He was on patrol, so that’s not necessarily a good thing. He told me about you, in the late afternoon stillness of our house, on a Sunday afternoon. No names. No identifying data. That’d be confidential and it still is.  

I’d been sort of napping, while the dog woofed, the phone rang and the children were next door, at the neighbors. I kept my eyes closed as he told about how you were woken up rather abruptly on Sunday morning, after a wild night of partying with college boys, yet you’re still in high school. 

I listened. I heard. I thought back to over 20 years ago. Some things never change. Damn it. Why can’t they change for the better?! 

Why can’t teenage girls, with a woman’s body and a girl’s heart, have enough self esteem and strength of character to resist this cycle of drinkin’, flirtin’ and gettin’ naked when the weekend rolls around?! Today’s Monday, and you’ll be sittin’ pretty in your high school honors classes, perhaps whisperin’, grinnin’ and gigglin’ with your best friend about your wild child escapades. 

Next weekend will be much of the same. It’s a cycle. An ugly one. A hurtful one. It hurts on the inside, where no one can see. You’re hurting yourself, not those you are rebelling against. You. You’re hurting you.

What seems so fun in the moment is just a temporary escape. The dark of night only lasts so long, to hide your secret self. In morning’s light you’re still you, with effects from the night before lingering as a reminder.

You did those things. Now, face yourself in the mirror. That’s right, look into your eyes. Yep. There it is. Just as I thought. Hurt and brokenness, covered up with sass and feigned bravado. 

I don’t know your name. You don’t know mine. But I know your teenage heart that yearns for true love, and your mixed up head that’s so smart in book learnin’ durin’ the week and so foolish in choices made on the weekend. Some things never change. Damn it. 

It’s up to you. You have to break the cycle. Oh, it won’t be now. You’re having too much fun…or so you think. But someday, instead of drinkin’ until you’re so trashed you don’t care who you get busy with, you’ll meet him. And odds are good that it won’t be at a bar or a drinkin’ party. He’ll love you for your head and heart and well, as a bonus he’ll think you’re kinda sexy too. 

For now, just think about it. I hope you have good friends. The kind who can tell you when you’re being too reckless, even for them, to hang out with. The kind who know the whole ugly truth but love you anyway, because they just do. 

Love,

Someone Who Cares

it’s a day for words

I woke up with words in my head.
Not just one or two.
More than a few.
That now one year old pup obliged a bit, when he closed his eyes for awhile longer…
But it wasn’t enough time.
As my brain was wakin’ up and the words were kickin’ so was the rest of the household.
ACK!
NO!
The muse is fleeting.
The time is now!
Will try to catch the tail of it and hang on to the thought before it goes fleeting by.
But the clock is ticking.
Time is flyin’.
And soon I will be too.
Out the door, drivin’ from here to there, over yonder and back again, while a ticker tape of words, stories, poems and snippets of thoughts parade through my head.
I am not A Crazy Person.
And really, so what if I am?!
I am a writer.
A writer damn it.
And words are what I know.
~ Janean

September 28, 2012

a mother’s intuition

I saw my mom today
she said, “You look tired.”
I nodded my head for yes and said, “mmm”
‘cause I am
I didn’t trust myself to say more
She tried to draw me out by asking, “Early morning?”
I answered, “Yes” aloud
and resisting adding, “Aren’t they all?!”
She wanted to ask more
but we weren’t alone
my husband’s family was there
standin’ in the driveway
Blue dog on a leash
eating’ grass
oblivious to emotion
happy to be in the front yard
while family visited
all around
I’m weary today
on the inside
and weepy
which shows
on the outside
especially in my tired eyes
mom’s just know
when their babies are hurting
even when their “baby” is forty
with babies of her own
some days are harder than others
this one has had too many tears
I’m hoping that means
I’ve cried tomorrow’s already
‘cause my mom
will be askin’ me how I am again
quite soon
until then
her intuition is workin’ overtime

September 2, 2012