tears

December 11, 2012

mornin’ musings

circlin’ ‘round the block with Blue
in the brisk cold of December
the ground looks covered in stardust
just the grass glitterin’ from frost
not dust from the stars twinklin’ above
in a sky of the darkest black
there are extra lights a shinin’
in a myriad of colors and shapes
‘tis the season for Christmas lights
amidst the sparkling earth and heaven bright
in the stillness of early mornin’
tears threaten but do not fall
as I take in all the sights
the only sounds are boot falls on concrete
and the jinglin’ of my dog’s tags
as I circle the block with Blue
in the early morning hours
while the rest of the family is sleeping
on this December morn

December 11, 2012

November 25, 2012

heart ache

my woman’s heart is breakin’
daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend
life’s been tough for awhile now
doin’ the best I can
cryin’ too many tears
day by day abidin’
movin’ ever forward
walkin’ step by step
thankful for the gift
of each day
we have together
holdin’ it all together
with bailin’ twine and prayers

November 25, 2012

November 10, 2012 Image

I’m cryin’ as I write this
I feel like such a mess
wearin’ my cowgirl boots for courage
first time I’ve worn ‘em here
yet it’s the only fittin’ thing to do
I wanna tromp across the pasture
where the horses used to graze
and stand still in the barnyard
where we curried, combed and praised
those two horses of my childhood
Santas, short and stubborn
Copper, tall and true
how I loved them
and the time we spent
atop their steady backs
followin’ the trail you set
ridin’ double
or walkin’ side by side
trottin’ was for sometimes
gallopin’ hardly never
I’m cryin’ as I write this
nothin’ weak in that
you’ve always led by example
some lessons are harder than others
oh, how we both know
I’m writin’ heart thoughts that seem random
but go together ‘cause they do
got my boots and denim on
just like you

written Thursday, November 8, 2012
as I rode the southbound train from Normal to Alton, Illinois
the first leg of the trip

November 10, 2012 Image

I have a hanky in my pocket
I’m leakin’ all kinds of tears
my heart, oh how it’s hurtin’
some solace waits for me there
my parents went south yesterday
the highway called their name
my cousin always lives there
next door to Grrr
who got me on this train
for grandpa’s birthday is the reason
number 97 is nearly here
I’m arrivin’ one day early
today’s the day I could come
“Happy last day of 96!”
I brought the last jar of alien goo
they’re really, “Green Tomato Pickles”
but either way, I made ‘em just for you

written Thursday, November 8, 2012
as I rode the southbound train from Normal to Alton, Illinois
the first leg of the trip

November 2, 2012

if

if I blogged anonymous
you might meet the real me
I’d be a little more open
a little more carefree

if I blogged anonymous
your eyebrows might go up
there’d be more secrets told
and less talk about my pup

if I blogged anonymous
it might work for awhile
till someone got suspicious
and figured it out with a smile

if I blogged anonymous
there might be a lot more tears
mine and many others
as I reveal my fears

if I blogged anonymous
it might help me let things go
instead I write ‘em in a journal
or email close friends who know

November 2, 2012

November 1, 2012

slow dancin’

We were canoodling when the phone rang, cutting off the music we were dancin’ to.
It was my mother saying, “I’m on my way.”
He said, “I don’t want to see your tears.”
I replied, “Then don’t look.”
There’s no time to kiss them away.
Gotta get my composure, blow my nose and grab my sunglasses to walk the dog.
Our sweet pup, Blue.
Met mom on the sidewalk.
Chit chatted and smiled sorta bright.
Held his hand when I came back in.
Assured him it was the tenderness that did me in.
I’m a girl.
It’s how I’m packaged.
Sometimes they are happy tears.

November 1, 2012

October 25, 2012

last day of vacation

Stupid leaf blower poolside is ruining my serenity. Grrrrr
Time for more coffee and oatmeal anyway – food service started at 7:00. Saturday morning I’ll be food service again. Laundress and dog walker and cat care lady too. The break’s been nice though. Palm trees and sunshine worked their magic. Nice to have a week without too many tears. ~ Janean

October 25, 2012