I sat down poolside with coffee only, just as a hint of drizzle turned to gentle rain at 6:20a.m. Thankful for that big red umbrella and time spent sitting in the dark outside. (It was quiet until that lady sat down with her cell phone…that she’s actually talking on and not typing on like me.)
Since then I’ve moved tables. Tweeted. E-mailed. Facebooked. Have refilled my mug o’ coffee too.
Nearly moved again after loud talking cell phone user number two. Instead I couldn’t help but overhear as she said, “You can’t run away from yourself because you can’t get away from your own ass.” Well, tis true.
The sky has brightened. I should go and check on my family, and find out if they are waking up anytime soon. No hurry. That’s the beauty of vacation. The gray clouds are moving. Blue sky is tryin’ to peek through. Not sure where the day is going to take us. The To Do List just reads, “Have Fun.” Gotta love Vacation Days. Reality can wait a few days more. It’s 8:09a.m. now. Livin’ on Eastern time rather agrees with me.
~ Janean

October 24, 2012

it’s wake up time

After the pouring rain and cloud cover of yesterday, I didn’t expect to see stars twinkling at me from up above on my early morning walk with Blue. My husband recently dubbed my wake up time, “O’Dark Thirty” which made me laugh aloud. Tis true. ~ Janean

October 18, 2012

Some things never change

Dear Reckless Girl,

You met my husband yesterday at work. He was on patrol, so that’s not necessarily a good thing. He told me about you, in the late afternoon stillness of our house, on a Sunday afternoon. No names. No identifying data. That’d be confidential and it still is.  

I’d been sort of napping, while the dog woofed, the phone rang and the children were next door, at the neighbors. I kept my eyes closed as he told about how you were woken up rather abruptly on Sunday morning, after a wild night of partying with college boys, yet you’re still in high school. 

I listened. I heard. I thought back to over 20 years ago. Some things never change. Damn it. Why can’t they change for the better?! 

Why can’t teenage girls, with a woman’s body and a girl’s heart, have enough self esteem and strength of character to resist this cycle of drinkin’, flirtin’ and gettin’ naked when the weekend rolls around?! Today’s Monday, and you’ll be sittin’ pretty in your high school honors classes, perhaps whisperin’, grinnin’ and gigglin’ with your best friend about your wild child escapades. 

Next weekend will be much of the same. It’s a cycle. An ugly one. A hurtful one. It hurts on the inside, where no one can see. You’re hurting yourself, not those you are rebelling against. You. You’re hurting you.

What seems so fun in the moment is just a temporary escape. The dark of night only lasts so long, to hide your secret self. In morning’s light you’re still you, with effects from the night before lingering as a reminder.

You did those things. Now, face yourself in the mirror. That’s right, look into your eyes. Yep. There it is. Just as I thought. Hurt and brokenness, covered up with sass and feigned bravado. 

I don’t know your name. You don’t know mine. But I know your teenage heart that yearns for true love, and your mixed up head that’s so smart in book learnin’ durin’ the week and so foolish in choices made on the weekend. Some things never change. Damn it. 

It’s up to you. You have to break the cycle. Oh, it won’t be now. You’re having too much fun…or so you think. But someday, instead of drinkin’ until you’re so trashed you don’t care who you get busy with, you’ll meet him. And odds are good that it won’t be at a bar or a drinkin’ party. He’ll love you for your head and heart and well, as a bonus he’ll think you’re kinda sexy too. 

For now, just think about it. I hope you have good friends. The kind who can tell you when you’re being too reckless, even for them, to hang out with. The kind who know the whole ugly truth but love you anyway, because they just do. 

Love,

Someone Who Cares

the beauty of outside
is the walls hold in
the sound of the TV
and once the dog
stopped woofing
I could hear the quiet
of the night
no stars shine
a bit overcast
50% chance of rain
isn’t there always?
it either will
or it won’t
simple as that
regardless
this is the view
looking up
if you stretch out flat
atop the wooden deck
while the woofing dog
doesn’t ask questions
just lies down beside me
then shhhhhh’s too
I love being outside
even in the dark
of night

As I fall asleep at night

As I fall asleep at night 

I think a million thoughts

the day just done

the day to come

and all the things To Do

As I fall asleep at night

my night light 

keeps the dark at bay

my closet door is closed

to keep the monsters in

As I fall asleep at night

the ceiling fan rotates

round an round

a quiet whir that lulls

with a gentle breeze

As I fall asleep at night

the cat jumps on the bed

she settles in

with kneading loves

and purrs me to sleep

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles