he’ll be 13 in April

My oldest son has so many good life skills at age 12 3/4. My mom has said, “he’s an old soul,” since he was an infant. I continue to marvel at him, and wonder what God’s plan is for my oldest boy. He is so articulate, knowledgeable about so many topics, and good with people of all ages. He has such compassion and empathy in him, balanced by an in depth knowledge of warfare throughout history and weaponry. Lots of scripture and Bible teaching are buried in his great big heart too. I just keep loving him and encouraging him in all things. Nudging now and then. Downplaying and not gushing to keep his head from swelling. He’s a builder, a dreamer, a planner, a thinker and I hope a doer too. I miss him, his little brother, that great big Blue dog and striped cat too.

Initially written as a text reply, on January 23, 2013, while sitting at my husband’s bedside at Loyola hospital near Chicago. My friend, whose oldest son is the same age (well, 14 days older), was praising my oldest son’s conversation skills. Saying that he speaks intelligently and clearly, and comes across as very knowledgeable and thoughtful. Of course my Mother’s Heart swelled with a bit o’pride. He is mine. Forever and always my baby he’ll be, even now when he towers head and shoulders over me. Not ‘cause he’s a GIANT, though he’s built broad for football, just ‘cause his mama isn’t tall…sayin’ I’m under 5’ is close enough.

I grabbed my hotel breakfast To Go, so I didn’t miss the 7:30 a.m. shuttle I scheduled last night: oatmeal with brown sugar and sliced almonds (thankful for a plastic lid), a banana, one blueberry muffin wrapped up in a napkin (just the way my Grandma taught me long ago) all of which I shoved into my shoulder bag. Then I got a cuppa coffee and waited not too long. Coffee was gone as I was delivered, to the hospital front doors, so I bought a bigger cup and rode the elevator up. Eating now…started with half my blueberry muffin. Might get the other half, or might share…depends on how filled up that hungry man gets when he finishes The Grand Slam breakfast the hospital staff just delivered. Good morning from Loyola!

January 23, 2013
Loyola hospital
near Chicago

my heart hurts
I am breathing
I’m also standing
in a sunbeam
in the hallway of windows
just a few steps past
my husband’s hospital room
it’s quiet here
just the sound
of the heater running
that helps too
and stillness
no one is bustling about
I’ll go back…
in just a bit…
I am breathing

January 22, 2013

not one bit lonely

I have the house to myself.
My husband is at work for a few hours more.
My boys are at the neighbors playing. My big Blue pup was dropped off earlier this morning, to be boarded for a week or so, at a friendly canine hotel.
This silence is sorta divine.
Oh. I love being home alone.
Well, just me and the cat. =^.^=
Why is it, with a million things to do, all I want to do is nap?!
~ Janean

January 19, 2013

abracadabra

Today I had a smiling, laughing, delicious lunch out with my sister and a mutual friend. Afterwards, my sister and I had an hour and forty five minutes to ourselves, so we went to mall. I now have a fabulous, new, longer, casual, walking the dog without freezing my hummingbird ass, winter coat in black AND a new gray scarf that sparkles because my sister insisted on it. ‘Cause even though she’s seven years younger than me, ya tend not to argue with her. The first coat we saw, the only one I tried on, fit like it was made for me. I’m still smiling and feeling mellow and THAT hasn’t happened in a long damn time. She’s magic.

January 15, 2013

smiling aunt heaven (part 2)

That sweet, two year old girl wanted to go UPstairs, looking for her big four year old brother and bigger twelve year old cousin. She walked into the bedroom and said, “Where are the guys?” I replied, “They are DOWNstairs.”

So, she and I scooched down the stairs on our bottoms, laughing aloud the whole entire way. She led the way to the basement stairs, located just around the corner. I was surprised when she paused at the tippy top, handed me her wooden cars, said “Scared” and lifted her arms for “up.” 

As if I weren’t already head over heels in love, with my one and only niece, she looked at me with the cutest grin, and adamantly declared, “Let’s draw!” Oh, I found crayons and paper FAST! 

Good medicine. The best kind. Lotsa lotsa love.

~ Aunt Janean

January 12, 2013

smiling aunt heaven

My four year old nephew, said to me this morning, “Can you please get my boogers?”
Of course, I was glad to help him and even admit to finding his unusual request, quite charming.
I replied with a smile, “Let’s go find a tissue.”
Once said tissue was held up to his stuffy nose, I added, “Blow.”
*happy smiling good sunrise got some damn sleep my sister is here visiting from Arizona and I’m wearing purple for joy morning here…even with huge dark circles, no makeup and eyes that kinda hurt from yesterday’s tears*
~ Aunt Janean

January 12, 2013

I just shouted down the stairs to my youngest son, “It’s snowing!” He ran upstairs, from the basement depths, and promptly spread the word, by shouting the same to his big brother. My mom is probably doin’ some happy snow shoutin’ and smilin’ of her own, for a love of snow runs in the family. Blue dog loves snow too. Woof.

December 31, 2012