I walked past this hammock for sale at the store today and flashed back to my childhood summers. On the most special of days my dad would tie the big white hammock between two skinny walnut trees. We’d take turns climbing in to sway gently from side to side. How I wanted to buy a hammock today to recapture the peace and ease of those long ago summer days. I resisted though. No where to store it. No good place in the yard to serenely sway either. Street sounds. Lawnmowers. Basketballs hitting pavement in pre shot dribbling. Dogs barking (not just mine). I’ve landed a hundred miles from the deep, sloped, tree filled backyard at the end of a dead end street behind the little yellow house that I called Home for my first twenty one years. I grew up in a town of 20,000 surrounded by factories, farmland, and highways to anywhere but here. Now I think to myself, “Those were the days.” These were my fleeting thoughts this morning, as I pushed my shopping cart past the hammocks toward the aisles that held stuff actually on my list. The only other thing I wondered was whether my parents, my dad specifically, would like a hammock once again to enjoy on summer afternoons from his screened in porch that overlooks the Mississippi River. You can be sure I’m going to ask him and hope the answer is, “Yes.” My ulterior motives are quite transparent…I want a turn too. ~ Janean

my sweet husband surprised me with flowers today
for no reason other than, “We haven’t had any flowers for awhile.”
our oldest son helped pick them out
making them even more special
they are in water now
dressing up the edge of the kitchen sink
which is empty of dirty dishes I’ll have you know
it’s been a nice day here
a good day
a family day
filled with a whole lot of normal
we needed that
this was a no chemo week
the calm before the storm
of nausea,
weakness,
fatigue,
and cold sensitivity
hardest on the flower buying man who endures it
not easy for the rest of us either
we hurt when he hurts
we want to make it better
we all just have to go through it though
to get to the other side
the side with no more cancer
for that is the hope
to get it all
for the cancer to never return
for him to be cured
that day will come
I am sure of it
until then we’re living and loving
one day at a time
and today is extra special
because he bought me flowers
and yes, I’m still smiling

puppy love

Sometimes Hope comes wrapped in tan and black fur, with floppy ears, a big lolling tongue, a long wagging tail and the name, Blue. 

We bought our first dog yesterday.
A 14 week old German Shepherd puppy.
My husband has wanted a German Shepherd since before we were married. 
That’s been over 14 1/2 years ago now. 
We needed something happy and hopeful.
A dog is both. 
He helps us look past May, when the chemo treatments end. 
He helps us think about the day that my husband is done with all these doctors and surgeries and make plans for a cancer free future.
We just knew he was our dog. 
From a google search my husband did on Monday, and the pictures of him playing with a kitten that were e-mailed to us later that day. 
A brief talk with the breeder on Tuesday to set up the appointment to meet him on Saturday. 
Thankful for a second call on Friday, before someone else came to meet him Friday afternoon. 
Gave us a chance to put a deposit down, to say aloud and with certainty, he’s going to be our dog. 
A visit with my parents, grandfather and cousins on Friday night and Saturday morning in Southern Illinois. 
Then on to meet our dog and bring him home. 
Oh, how we love him. 
He fits into our family just right. 
Keeping us all more on the go, more unplugged and more together, than we’ve been of late. 
My husband is talking about renaming him. 
The boys and I agree though, that Blue is just right too. 
Today is Day 2. 
So far so good.
Thank you for sharing our happy news. 
We are kicking off 2012 with Hope, and will be busy loving and chasing and training our new dog, Blue. 
Thank you for your continued prayers, as my husband gets hooked up to his third round of chemo on Tuesday. 
Unhooked on Thursday, which is when the nausea usually hits the hardest. 
We’ll keep in touch…and share puppy pictures too. 
Oh, he’s super great and wonderful and pretty as can be, handsome actually, as he’s a boy dog. 
The girls are getting more outnumbered all the time. 
One mom and one girl cat, who is Not Amused. 
One dad, two sons and one boy dog, our newest addition. 
Love,
Janean
P.S. We are so keeping his name…if I get to add any weight to my vote at all…and because I’m trouble enough to try to get you on my side to keep it as is. Happy Sunday! We’ve played all morning with our puppy and he’s sleeping in his kennel with the door open, in time for us to go to church in about 30 minutes. We’re going with a smile, always. But today’s is a little brighter, due to Puppy Love. 
NOTE: I originally posted this on Sunday, January 8, 2012, the day after we brought Blue home, on my husband’s Caring Bridge page. I’m posting it here today to explain where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing instead of Tumblr-ing. I’m A Dog Mom now. A Puppy Mom to be specific. We’re going for walks, playing with his rope toy AND doing the things that need done to take care of my family and household. Still figuring out how to do all that and write too…hoping to figure it out SOON. 

Today is a mystery

Today is a mystery

sort of wide open

with things that need done

not sure I want to do any of them

so I will do some

one appointment I won’t miss

and no, it’s not the dentist

I hope it’s filled

with family and friends

with laughter,

smiles, hugs and grins

the tears need to stay at bay

I don’t have time

for you today

so far

so good

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles 

Christmas is comin’

as night falls

my heart hurts

I have a lump in my throat

and it was a good day

it was

I’m just having a hard time

with Christmas this year

and I love Christmas

the decorations

the music

the presents

the giving

more than getting

the fun of it

the joy

the laughter

this year I’m just not there yet

hope it kicks in soon

it’s not about Santa for me

it’s about the birth of Jesus

I’ll focus on that

and hope

for the peace of Him

to lift the burden

from my heart

© 2011 Turquoise Tangles