now it is today

Wednesday today
All day
July 31, 2013
I have to do that
Say it aloud
Because now I’m on today
4-H judging at the fair
Living one day at a time
We have enough
We have each other
We are thankful, blessed and loved
We are buoyed by all your prayers
Thank you

July 31, 2013

my heart longs to make art
it’s the soul balm
I am needing
layered alongside that though
is family business paperwork
waiting for me To Do
trying to balance my time
weighing heart cry vs. duty

I called the 1-800 number
the one atop this bill
seemed wise to double check
‘cause I thought I’d maybe paid it
handwritten check register read:
#9988 2/27/13 $389.90
the total due matched right up
answered the automated questions
by typing on the phone
was given a second number
for “facilities business office”
a person answered right away
gave ‘em the account number
they replied with a human voice:
“Zero Balance”
“Paid In Full”

what beautiful words those are
just like Jesus on the cross
who forgives us
over and over
BIG TIME
sinners saved by grace
a gift freely given
all we are To Do is ask

“Amazing Grace”
was played across radio waves
this very morning too
I sang along and cried
I almost always do

March 13, 2013

closer to home

I’m going home today. HOME! Wish it meant my husband was sprung from the hospital near Chicago, but he’s not. I’m going home to my two boys, ages 12 and 9, and that striped cat. My sweet pup, Blue, who I miss too, comes home on Monday from the canine resort. Home to central Illinois where the land is flat and fertile, though the fields lie fallow, and the bare trees of winter show off their curvy bones. Oh. Home.

January 26, 2013

he’ll be 13 in April

My oldest son has so many good life skills at age 12 3/4. My mom has said, “he’s an old soul,” since he was an infant. I continue to marvel at him, and wonder what God’s plan is for my oldest boy. He is so articulate, knowledgeable about so many topics, and good with people of all ages. He has such compassion and empathy in him, balanced by an in depth knowledge of warfare throughout history and weaponry. Lots of scripture and Bible teaching are buried in his great big heart too. I just keep loving him and encouraging him in all things. Nudging now and then. Downplaying and not gushing to keep his head from swelling. He’s a builder, a dreamer, a planner, a thinker and I hope a doer too. I miss him, his little brother, that great big Blue dog and striped cat too.

Initially written as a text reply, on January 23, 2013, while sitting at my husband’s bedside at Loyola hospital near Chicago. My friend, whose oldest son is the same age (well, 14 days older), was praising my oldest son’s conversation skills. Saying that he speaks intelligently and clearly, and comes across as very knowledgeable and thoughtful. Of course my Mother’s Heart swelled with a bit o’pride. He is mine. Forever and always my baby he’ll be, even now when he towers head and shoulders over me. Not ‘cause he’s a GIANT, though he’s built broad for football, just ‘cause his mama isn’t tall…sayin’ I’m under 5’ is close enough.

I grabbed my hotel breakfast To Go, so I didn’t miss the 7:30 a.m. shuttle I scheduled last night: oatmeal with brown sugar and sliced almonds (thankful for a plastic lid), a banana, one blueberry muffin wrapped up in a napkin (just the way my Grandma taught me long ago) all of which I shoved into my shoulder bag. Then I got a cuppa coffee and waited not too long. Coffee was gone as I was delivered, to the hospital front doors, so I bought a bigger cup and rode the elevator up. Eating now…started with half my blueberry muffin. Might get the other half, or might share…depends on how filled up that hungry man gets when he finishes The Grand Slam breakfast the hospital staff just delivered. Good morning from Loyola!

January 23, 2013
Loyola hospital
near Chicago

my heart hurts
I am breathing
I’m also standing
in a sunbeam
in the hallway of windows
just a few steps past
my husband’s hospital room
it’s quiet here
just the sound
of the heater running
that helps too
and stillness
no one is bustling about
I’ll go back…
in just a bit…
I am breathing

January 22, 2013

not one bit lonely

I have the house to myself.
My husband is at work for a few hours more.
My boys are at the neighbors playing. My big Blue pup was dropped off earlier this morning, to be boarded for a week or so, at a friendly canine hotel.
This silence is sorta divine.
Oh. I love being home alone.
Well, just me and the cat. =^.^=
Why is it, with a million things to do, all I want to do is nap?!
~ Janean

January 19, 2013