heart puzzle

my sister texted me this morning
a note about her oldest son being back home in Arizona, from his two month visit home to Illinois, where he stayed and played with his grandma and papa, aunts, uncles and cousins too, over summer break

she wrote, “Kids were elated to have him home. It felt great to all be under one roof again.”

I replied:
All is well
As it should be
The missing piece of your heart puzzle back in place
I’m so glad
For all of you
Hugs and love

she replied, “That is exactly the way I felt to… Kinda off all summer and just felt complete. It was so fun watching all three kids walk inside the house together with smiles.”

then she added, “I love u so much Janean.”
making my heart squeeze and my throat close and my eyes water because Arizona feels really far away today.

August 3, 2012

We had some more rain this evening followed by the biggest, brightest, most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen stretch across several houses that face my own backyard. I looked for a rainbow such as this all last summer. A sign from God that He keeps His promises. The significance of seeing a rainbow today, tonight, after a brief rainstorm, is that the printed copies of my oldest son’s book arrived today. The one he wrote for 4-H. The one that honors his father and the fight he’s been fighting for over a year now. The title is, “On May 25”. It’s a beaut of a little book that also honors the Lord as my twelve year old shares his heart, faith, belief in the power of prayer and the comfort that comes from the prayers of many for our family during this difficult time. My heart was already dancing, soaring and flying. This rainbow, a double rainbow, was an unexpected gift. SO BIG! SO BEAUTIFUL! Praying this new type of chemotherapy works. Praying for complete healing from stage four cancer. Praying to weather this storm with my family of four intact for many years to come. Thank you, God, for the reminder that You are there. Always. From the dark of night to the glow of sunrise, until the sun sets once more, and sometimes, the most special of times, You are in the translucent glow of a rainbow in a perfectly formed half circle.
~ Janean

July 26, 2012

I find it fascinating that the sky can be bright blue with puffy clouds behind me, and pale blue with wisps of clouds, including some gray ones ahead. I’m facing East toward the sunrise. My sweet pup was up at 4:30 a.m. I wanted the rest if my family to sleep a little longer. We’ve been enjoying a variety of birdsong in the backyard. It’s 6:00 a.m. now. Blue’s had his breakfast. I’m ready for mine. Coffee is a necessity today. May 25, 2012 is the first day of Summer Vacation, my niece’s second birthday and one year to the day since my husband’s diagnosis. The day life changed. ~ Janean

This morning I drank my first mug o’coffee in the backyard with my sweet pup, Blue. Just a few more weeks of school day morning rush before summer vacation begins. Once it does, I can lollygag in the morning to my heart’s content. Not today though. Children to wake. Breakfast to eat. Lunches to make. Notebooks to sign. A drive to make. I’m almost ready for that second mug o’coffee. Though it might have to be To Go. ~ Janean

I walked past this hammock for sale at the store today and flashed back to my childhood summers. On the most special of days my dad would tie the big white hammock between two skinny walnut trees. We’d take turns climbing in to sway gently from side to side. How I wanted to buy a hammock today to recapture the peace and ease of those long ago summer days. I resisted though. No where to store it. No good place in the yard to serenely sway either. Street sounds. Lawnmowers. Basketballs hitting pavement in pre shot dribbling. Dogs barking (not just mine). I’ve landed a hundred miles from the deep, sloped, tree filled backyard at the end of a dead end street behind the little yellow house that I called Home for my first twenty one years. I grew up in a town of 20,000 surrounded by factories, farmland, and highways to anywhere but here. Now I think to myself, “Those were the days.” These were my fleeting thoughts this morning, as I pushed my shopping cart past the hammocks toward the aisles that held stuff actually on my list. The only other thing I wondered was whether my parents, my dad specifically, would like a hammock once again to enjoy on summer afternoons from his screened in porch that overlooks the Mississippi River. You can be sure I’m going to ask him and hope the answer is, “Yes.” My ulterior motives are quite transparent…I want a turn too. ~ Janean

Spring is moving along at warp speed.
Everything is blooming ASAP!
These Bradford Pear trees usually bloom mid-April.
Yet, here they are, mid-March!
I can’t quite believe it.
I’m loving the balmy temperatures.
It’s been in the 70’s and low 80’s with no humidity.
What’s not to like?!
No need for a jacket or heavier cold weather gear.
I’ve even ditched shoes and socks for sandals and bare feet.
Most shocking is my choice of attire…
Hopefully I didn’t scare too many neighbors while sporting shorts and a tank top on Sunday afternoon.
In my defense, it was hot.
Yes, Spring is moving along at warp speed.
Summer will be here before we know it.
Perhaps in May, instead of June.
Time will tell.
However, there really isn’t any need to rush.

Spring forward

Spring forward
means May is gettin’ closer
one year since diagnosis
the end of six months of chemo
for him
not me
May
when another school year ends
and summer begins
a time for healing
how I love Spring forward this year
the sunrise
striped in orange
is lingering
now a golden glow
I feel hopeful
nearly there
I feel thankful
goin’ for the cure
so glad for the chance
to move the clock ahead
and get to May
one hour closer
for it’s time to
Spring forward