cat + dog = lavender

That cat is at it again
I swear she is the one that’s going to push me right over the edge
You know
The edge between sorta sane and completely off your rocker
I’ve been balance beaming along it for months now
She’s still mad about the dog
That sweet pup we brought home eight months ago
My goodness can she hold a grudge
She’s tried everything she can think of to express her displeasure
She’s growled, hissed, and scratched his cold, black, puppy nose with her menacing front claws
She tried a starvation diet too
I thwarted that one by opening a can of soft food that was too tantalizing for her to resist
She’s “gone” on the dirty laundry
…and more recently the bedroom floor
I don’t have time to deal with her antics and clean up her messes
But clean I do
Washing machine set on “sanitize” to neutralize that awful smell
Today I tried a new one
‘Cause I’m barely holding on
I mixed a potion of pleasing scent to spray upon the clean again bedroom carpet
The side of the box said 4 oz. water and 18 drops of lavender oil
I think I counted 21
Hope it deters her
Hope it gets her back in her box for “business”
After the potion mixing was done
I squeezed one more drop onto my index finger
And dabbed a drop of lavender oil behind my ears
It was chemo unhook day
That one’s tougher than tough
When the completed infusion hits hardest
I hugged my husband goodbye
Before carline at school
He said, “Mmmmmm, you smell nice.”
I smiled and replied, “It’s lavender.”
Drat that cat
Do I have to give her the credit?!
~ Janean

August 30, 2012

We had some more rain this evening followed by the biggest, brightest, most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen stretch across several houses that face my own backyard. I looked for a rainbow such as this all last summer. A sign from God that He keeps His promises. The significance of seeing a rainbow today, tonight, after a brief rainstorm, is that the printed copies of my oldest son’s book arrived today. The one he wrote for 4-H. The one that honors his father and the fight he’s been fighting for over a year now. The title is, “On May 25”. It’s a beaut of a little book that also honors the Lord as my twelve year old shares his heart, faith, belief in the power of prayer and the comfort that comes from the prayers of many for our family during this difficult time. My heart was already dancing, soaring and flying. This rainbow, a double rainbow, was an unexpected gift. SO BIG! SO BEAUTIFUL! Praying this new type of chemotherapy works. Praying for complete healing from stage four cancer. Praying to weather this storm with my family of four intact for many years to come. Thank you, God, for the reminder that You are there. Always. From the dark of night to the glow of sunrise, until the sun sets once more, and sometimes, the most special of times, You are in the translucent glow of a rainbow in a perfectly formed half circle.
~ Janean

July 26, 2012

zig zag

looking back
because that’s what we do
there are times
we could have zagged
instead of zigged
visa versa too
we can’t go back
there are no do overs
I’m just glad
I’ve spent these years
with you

looking forward
we have more questions
than answers
and when we get them
we may wish
we didn’t know
so let’s zig more
and zag less
and remember
to laugh and love and live
for as long as we have left
together
could be you’re stuck with me
for many years yet
so I can baffle and perplex you
with more poems
about zigging and zagging

June 18, 2012

again

doc had some news
yesterday
a little good
nothing in the lung
praise be
a lot not easy to hear
metabolic in the liver
again
perhaps surgery
again
maybe more chemo
maybe wait and see
next step
specialist in Chicago
again
not the news we wanted
just seven months
since first liver surgery
when doc thought
they got it all
but thankful
he’s still here
with us
tougher
than he knows
the former Marine
police officer
I married
15 years ago

June 7, 2012

up since 5:00
one cup o’coffee down
a bowl of cereal too
almost 6:30 now
as I laugh and throw the ball for Blue
his appointment is at 8:30
that wonderful husband of mine
for 15 years and counting
20 years together in July
friends before that
today we find out
if the chemo has worked
or if the cancer has spread
yet here I am
playing with the dog
his dog
the one he’s always wanted
trying to keep the worries and fear at bay
until we know what the doctor has to say
other than THAT
it’s a beautiful morning
crisp early a.m. air
birdsong from the treetops
not much traffic noise
less than two hours to go
and then we’ll know
what’s next

June 6, 2012

I find it fascinating that the sky can be bright blue with puffy clouds behind me, and pale blue with wisps of clouds, including some gray ones ahead. I’m facing East toward the sunrise. My sweet pup was up at 4:30 a.m. I wanted the rest if my family to sleep a little longer. We’ve been enjoying a variety of birdsong in the backyard. It’s 6:00 a.m. now. Blue’s had his breakfast. I’m ready for mine. Coffee is a necessity today. May 25, 2012 is the first day of Summer Vacation, my niece’s second birthday and one year to the day since my husband’s diagnosis. The day life changed. ~ Janean

he bought me daisies last night
the colorful kind
minus the crazy
such a surprise to see them
in the flower spot
by the kitchen sink
when the children and I
came home last night
my smile widened
at the vase he chose
for it was the easiest
to reach
my margarita pitcher
a college graduation gift
from my aunt in New Mexico
my margarita days are past
what a lovely vase
I didn’t know I had
until he bought me daisies
last night

not always

I saw someone at church today

whom I haven’t seen in years

from opposites ends of the hallway

we met in the middle

as I drew within earshot

he said of me, ”She’s always smiling.”

I shook me head “no”

and said aloud, “not always”

he stated, “It’s not your husband with cancer.”

I countered with, “Yes. It is.”

him: “It’s pretty bad. Isn’t it?!”

me: “Stage 4. Two surgeries. Chemo now.”

him: “Is he bedridden?”

me: “Last summer for awhile,

with chemo and radiation simultaneously.

Workin’ light duty at a desk right now.”

him: “We’ve been praying, but we’ll pray harder”

me: “Thank you.

We know that’s what’s gettin’ us through.”

then we parted ways

he and his wife went one way

I went another

they are headed back to Michigan

to the church he’s senior pastor of

it was good to see him

on this Sunday morn