I’m going home today. HOME! Wish it meant my husband was sprung from the hospital near Chicago, but he’s not. I’m going home to my two boys, ages 12 and 9, and that striped cat. My sweet pup, Blue, who I miss too, comes home on Monday from the canine resort. Home to central Illinois where the land is flat and fertile, though the fields lie fallow, and the bare trees of winter show off their curvy bones. Oh. Home.
January 26, 2013
- Sit quietly in a storm without an umbrella, without a word of complaint. Let the rain wash away every ounce of bitterness that has been used to write a eulogy on your skin.
- You’re not dead.
- Remember.
- Drive down to the river. Drive down to where the industrial waste has not re-colored the…
I love the rain
Spring rains will come soon
Thunderstorms and gentle mists
I welcome both
I love walking in the woods
and on a gravel road
lined with trees on either side
I love resting
whether on a proper bench
or plopping on the ground
I love the river
especially Grandpa’s river
the mighty Mississippi
standing atop his bluff
looking o’er her curving path
there I can breathe
I love to smile
and often do
a gentle curve of lips
or crooked at the corner
a flash of teeth and quick laugh
full wattage mega kind too
the best ones reach my eyes
I love the rain
I walk my dog without an umbrella
wearing rain boots with peacocks
splashing through puddles
with a grin
laughing at my prancing pup
I am not dead. I am here. Thank you, God, for these simple things and the ability to find joy in quiet moments such as these. Thank you for family and friends, and the powerful prayers of Your people who are lifting up my cancer fighting husband and me and our boys asking for the strength and courage we need to weather this vicious storm. We are thankful, humbled and oh, so very blessed. Hope bubbles fresh anew each day. Your love will see us through. ~Janean
January 25, 2013
Here Lies the Remains of a Girl Who–Did What Now?: Put yourself back together.
My oldest son has so many good life skills at age 12 3/4. My mom has said, “he’s an old soul,” since he was an infant. I continue to marvel at him, and wonder what God’s plan is for my oldest boy. He is so articulate, knowledgeable about so many topics, and good with people of all ages. He has such compassion and empathy in him, balanced by an in depth knowledge of warfare throughout history and weaponry. Lots of scripture and Bible teaching are buried in his great big heart too. I just keep loving him and encouraging him in all things. Nudging now and then. Downplaying and not gushing to keep his head from swelling. He’s a builder, a dreamer, a planner, a thinker and I hope a doer too. I miss him, his little brother, that great big Blue dog and striped cat too.
Initially written as a text reply, on January 23, 2013, while sitting at my husband’s bedside at Loyola hospital near Chicago. My friend, whose oldest son is the same age (well, 14 days older), was praising my oldest son’s conversation skills. Saying that he speaks intelligently and clearly, and comes across as very knowledgeable and thoughtful. Of course my Mother’s Heart swelled with a bit o’pride. He is mine. Forever and always my baby he’ll be, even now when he towers head and shoulders over me. Not ‘cause he’s a GIANT, though he’s built broad for football, just ‘cause his mama isn’t tall…sayin’ I’m under 5’ is close enough.
I’m antsy ‘cause of being gone for a week-ish starting tomorrow. Everyone else is tucked in, but I’m making a mug o’tea and staying up. Starting now, until its time to go, I’m going to try to do the 157 things I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, but haven’t quite gotten to…because now, all of a sudden, they gotta get done! *it’s hard to be going out of town for medical reasons, not a pleasure trip, and even more so, it’s hard leaving the children behind and being apart for any length of time too*
So, I better go and DO. I’m wound up and coiled tightly on the inside, ready to spring about. Boing! Of course, I also feel immensely weary, like I could curl up and sleep until sometime tomorrow afternoon. *sigh*
~ Janean
January 19, 2013
I had fun printing out poems and snippets of thoughts about my Blue dog last night. This morning I put them in a 3-ring binder for my Grandpa with a pic on the cover and the title, “The Blue Collection.” A belated gift for my poet, story telling, fiddlin’ Grandpa.
I’m taking the last last jar of Alien Goo to him too, a.k.a. Green Tomato Pickles. I found ‘em hiding in the back of the pantry. Here I thought I’d delivered that last jar in November, when I made a trip via southbound train, the day before his 97th birthday.
Turns out I have a thing for packin’ pickles on the train. For I’m ridin’ the rails again today, but not alone, for my magical sister is sittin’ alongside me. We are not talkin’ as much as I expected. Just sorta chillin’ and enjoyin’ sittin’ quietly, playin’ on our idevices.
It is a beautiful day. A blue sky one, without any clouds in it. Oh, so lovely.
January 16, 2013
Today I had a smiling, laughing, delicious lunch out with my sister and a mutual friend. Afterwards, my sister and I had an hour and forty five minutes to ourselves, so we went to mall. I now have a fabulous, new, longer, casual, walking the dog without freezing my hummingbird ass, winter coat in black AND a new gray scarf that sparkles because my sister insisted on it. ‘Cause even though she’s seven years younger than me, ya tend not to argue with her. The first coat we saw, the only one I tried on, fit like it was made for me. I’m still smiling and feeling mellow and THAT hasn’t happened in a long damn time. She’s magic.
January 15, 2013
smiling as I type this
from a hospital cafe
jazz is on the speakers
conversation murmurs
there is ice on the fountain
as seen out the window
on my right
but it’s still pumping water
life
in this moment
January 14, 2013
Loyola
Chicago, IL
My best text of the day was a wrong number.
at 9:42am ? wrote:
Happy birthday gorgeous. Enjoy your day hope all’s well.
at 10:11am I replied:
Sweet message, but you sent it to a wrong number. Hope you resend to right person ASAP.
at 10:40am he (I’m assuming) wrote:
Ha my apologies.
I replied:
No problem 🙂
? wrote:
Btw who did I send this to?
I wrote back with my phone number, ‘cause if it were me, I’d want to know which digit I had wrong
? wrote:
New phone and carrier so flying blind. Sorry again whoever this may be 🙂
The small smile and quick laugh, that I shared with a friend, as I read the initial text aloud, added to the fun of it.
That sweet text though
I knew it wasn’t for me
Even if my birthday had been on January 13th
(And it’s not)
January 13, 2013
I just shouted down the stairs to my youngest son, “It’s snowing!” He ran upstairs, from the basement depths, and promptly spread the word, by shouting the same to his big brother. My mom is probably doin’ some happy snow shoutin’ and smilin’ of her own, for a love of snow runs in the family. Blue dog loves snow too. Woof.
December 31, 2012
One cuppa coffee down.
One to go.
Today either calls for a nap or mid-afternoon pot o’joe.
I’ll just have to wait and see what my draggin’ butt a.k.a. dragon butt needs most.
~ Janean
December 31, 2012
Turquoise Tangles 