doc had some news
yesterday
a little good
nothing in the lung
praise be
a lot not easy to hear
metabolic in the liver
again
perhaps surgery
again
maybe more chemo
maybe wait and see
next step
specialist in Chicago
again
not the news we wanted
just seven months
since first liver surgery
when doc thought
they got it all
but thankful
he’s still here
with us
tougher
than he knows
the former Marine
police officer
I married
15 years ago
June 7, 2012
up since 5:00
one cup o’coffee down
a bowl of cereal too
almost 6:30 now
as I laugh and throw the ball for Blue
his appointment is at 8:30
that wonderful husband of mine
for 15 years and counting
20 years together in July
friends before that
today we find out
if the chemo has worked
or if the cancer has spread
yet here I am
playing with the dog
his dog
the one he’s always wanted
trying to keep the worries and fear at bay
until we know what the doctor has to say
other than THAT
it’s a beautiful morning
crisp early a.m. air
birdsong from the treetops
not much traffic noise
less than two hours to go
and then we’ll know
what’s next
June 6, 2012
I hear birdsong from the front yard
and rain sounds from the back
the quiet whir of the ceiling fan above
with a napping dog on the floor
the silver keys are tapping
beneath my flying fingertips
I’m still in pajamas
even though it’s well past lunch
ah, yes, my favorite kind of day
breathe in
breathe out
just drinking in
the sounds of a quiet house
for the children
are with their Papa
there is a crow
I just now spied
heckling the dog and I
with cawing
that never ends
I much prefer
early morning silence
other than the jingling
from my pup’s collar
caw caw caw
on a repetitive loop
I didn’t
get out of bed
for this
woof
awoke me
from a bizarre dream
in full color
a jumble of images
and me
in a place
I didn’t want to be
awake is better
even if it’s early
even if the crow
needs to stop
and fly away now
my eyes gritty
from tears cried
yesterday
ahhhhhhh
some actual birdsong
bye bye Mr. Crow
I didn’t even
resort to violence
though I considered
my options
he must have realized
not to mess with me
as I have no patience
for cawing
that never ends
May 28, 2012
written somewhere in the 5 o’clock a.m. hour
damn crow
last night was for fireflies
the first ones of the year
this mornin’ is for pink clouds
and a crescent moon
still hangin’ in the sky
fireflies remind me
of my childhood summers
pink clouds are for my grandma
she painted some on canvas
and the teacher said,
“There is no such thing.”
Grandma wouldn’t budge
knew she was right
as she’d seen pink clouds
from atop the bluff
time and time again
so while I’m not a pink girl
I love pink cloud mornings
and greet them with a grin
as memories of my grandma
fill me up within
the sky is crazy cool today
cotton ball clouds lined up in rows
neat and tidy
like a field with furrows
to the left I see but brilliant blue
where the clouds are few
they are all in the right sky
on this Mother’s Day
makin’ me smile
all the while
as they float, merge and blend
different now than they were then
the sun shines upon my face
soon at church we’ll sing of grace
and read of the Lord God high above
who made the firmament
which is crazy cool today
the stars are bright in the night sky
I could see the craters on the not quite full moon
the breeze was but a whisper
temperatures are balmy
the air is still heavy with humidity from sequential days of rain
feels like a summer night
tank top
flip flops
and all
soon
for the school year
is nearly done
I found my smile tonight
quite by accident
I hadn’t realized
it was missing
until my lips quirked
in a familiar arc
at the halfway mark
walkin’ Blue
somewhere in the park
spilling over with children
and grown up conversation
with a cone headed dog
at the end of a royal blue tether
I found myself grinnin’
and my steps felt a little lighter
oh, how we needed that evening walk
with fragrance from fading lilacs
scenting the gentle breeze
purposeful motion
a return to routine
up and at ‘em
it’s no wonder then
that I found my smile tonight
on the inside too
Turquoise Tangles 